suicidal milk

my thoughts are muddled like milky water. they desperately promise of the cleanliness and pureness lures me in into a fall sense of security and yet i foolishly fall for it every time, because the promise is always there. the milky water slowly suffocates blurring my vision and corrupting my lungs, all the bad and dark things twisted with what was once so innocent. it all gets muddled; reality and desperation, overthinking nothing but the darkness that shouldn’t be there as it overcomes me. the milky water has always been there, never fulfilling its promises to restore what has once been. it only gets cloudier, milkier til in the end i’ll only be drowning in pure suicidal milk. i dont see why i should need a life raft to get me out, when all i want is to drown in that bitter fuzzy concoction as it send anticipation and longing to the very being of my core, hoping that one day this never ending cycle of pain will end. that maybe, just maybe, there will be a hope for me in the future after my demise. that my mistakes can be fixed and my wrongs be undone. for they shall become undone like the thread of life which is holding me afloat, desperately clinging onto the remains of my pathetic excuse of a human being.