Have a crush again damn it all

My soul like black and baron putrid rotten fettered I'd yearn to give the love I'd wish I could receive to anybody at the one person I wish it would never look at me who would who cares anymore I am on a one-way trip to annihilation even if there was a stop button I'm not sure I did it I'd break down at one compliment cry out a list just three reasons why someone loved me my heart feels like a factory that's been broken down for years I'm not sure if it could ever get started again if somebody loved me would it even turn on would my heart beat I can't say my heart looks black as coal and  hardest Stone God I feel pathetic the way her notification on my phone lights up my face like a dog to a master's phone I feel disgusted from wanting I'd never deserve someone like her but the brain yearns for something of its own for to belong to somebody just for once for a minute might give me peace of mind I doubt it one jealousy all consuming crumples the flower of love before it blooms I can't take it but who cares I don't know anymore I don't even know why I came here to write this this is only the second poem I've ever written but this feels more like a one-way therapy session speaking what I feel to something that will probably not even respond but who cares