personal rant (vent maybe?)

sebster in the flesh after like a week or two of not being active and I'm venting/ranting!!!

I'll just start this off with the fact that these things I'm gonna rant about are 100% my problem and I acknowledge that, I just don't know what to do about it and as much as I'd want to ask for advice, I probably won't take it💔

I hate being bored so much because im such a big extrovert and in petty sure I have a dopamine addiction, the world seems so bland and I'm not having fun unless I'm socializing. I don't have a job and I just got of school summer break so I have no idea on what the hell I'm gonna do! my friends have told me to get a hobby and I tried but nothing is fun anymore to me except for socializing. what really sucks is that a lot of my friends are introverts and prefer to be left alone after hanging out because they have a social battery, and I understand it and try my hardest to respect it because I'm not gonna force someone to hang out with me. However it sucks because I literally don't have a draining social battery, when I went to go see ptv and sws I called my friends after I got home and ranted about it!!

                                                     vent territory

 I love hanging out with my friends but my brain is fucking with me and making me think that they hate me because they aren't hanging out with me 24/7 and I know that isn't true but it's so difficult to not think that way. they literally are the best people I could have in my life and I'm somehow ungrateful because hanging out for a few hours just isn't enough for me. I feel so incredibly horrible when I beg them to hang out with me, or call because I feel like I'm taking time out of their day and making them feel drained. I hate feeling like this and I don't know how I'm gonna stop because it's really fucking with me lowkey.  I rarely have anybody I like hanging out with now (literally like 3 online friends and like 3 irl friends) because I've been cutting out a shit load of online friends because some really bad stuff got out about a whole group I hung out with and then I've been avoiding other people just because I want to cut them out but idk how to tell them. having barely anyone to talk to has been the most draining experience of my life and it makes negative thoughts I thought I got past come back, and i really hope summer gets better, because the start of it is so shitty so far and I genuinely will crash out soon if I don't socialize because I keep on thinking negatively and I'm being a Debbie downer on myself I HATE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS BECAUSE TELL ME WHY I HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS AND THEN MY BRAIN TELLS ME THAT THEY HATE ME AND DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE BEING MY FRIEND!!!! I wish I could rip my frontal lobe out and fix all the bad things about me xoxo

sebster out xoxo