Eating Struggles & The Fight to Feel Good About Myself

I’m going to be real with you all right now. What I’m about to talk about has been a huge part of my life, and it’s something I’ve been carrying with me for years. Bullying, self-esteem issues, and past trauma made it so hard for me to see myself in a positive light. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you might already know the struggles I’ve been through. But here’s a deeper dive into one of my toughest battles—eating problems.

It all started when I was 12. That’s when reality hit hard, and when I started noticing the differences between me and other girls. I’ve always had a hard time thinking of myself as someone pretty. You know that feeling? The one where everyone else just seems so beautiful, so skinny, so vibrant, and you feel like you’re the ugliest person on earth? That feeling when you look at everyone else and find something great about them, but when you look at yourself, you just want to cry and ask, “Why don’t I look like them?” It was exhausting, and it drained me.

And the thing is, that feeling didn’t go away. It stayed with me for years. I started comparing myself to everyone I saw online, which just made everything worse. Social media became a constant reminder of how I didn’t measure up. I would stare at myself in the mirror, lift my shirt up to check, and wonder, “Am I fat or just bloated? Is this skinny or not?” I saw all these girls online with perfect bodies, faces, lives, and I felt ugly. I felt disgusting. And no matter what, I never felt like I was good enough.

That’s when it started. I began restricting myself. I’d eat a little, then go to the bathroom to throw up. I’d do this repeatedly, sometimes 10 times in one sitting. I thought I had to get rid of what I ate, because in my mind, I was fat. Even though my body was getting skinnier and my bones were showing, I still couldn’t see it. I was obsessed with this idea that I wasn’t enough—no matter what my body looked like. I was still ugly. I would cry, asking myself, “Why can’t I look like those influencers? Why can’t I be pretty like them?”

I know I’m not alone in this feeling. So many people, especially young girls (and guys too), deal with this every day. The constant battle of feeling not good enough, comparing ourselves to others, and struggling with food. Even though I’m 17 now and I’m in a better place, I still fight those thoughts. Some days are better than others. I eat now, and I’m learning to accept that it’s okay to eat, that food is something we need. But there are days when I still feel fat. And it’s hard.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned: You’re not alone. This is an everyday fight. And no, it’s not easy. But we can get through it. I know we can. There’s so much beauty in who we are, no matter what we look like. No matter how many times we’ve doubted ourselves. We are all beautiful. And we need to stop comparing ourselves to others.

Eating is not bad. We need food, and it’s also yummy. It’s a part of life, and we shouldn’t feel guilty about it. We should be able to eat without shame, without fear of “getting fat” or “not being good enough.” You are enough. We are all enough. And I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to go through this alone. If you’re struggling, whether with eating or self-esteem, I get it. I’ve been there. It’s hard to talk about these feelings, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

If anyone wants to talk, vent, or just needs someone who understands, my DMs are always open. You don’t have to carry this weight by yourself. We’ve got this.

Remember: You are worthy, you are beautiful, and you are enough—just as you are