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Hey so probably don’t take this to heart, i’m noting this down as a guide to help me through life!
These advices i tell myself are kind of harsh. Disorders that genuinely affect mindsets are a bit of an exception for some of these, so just know i’m not trying to invalidate those who don’t have access to the things listed below here
updates will be added
I focus on things such as empathy, respect, coping mechanisms etc
Pains of Life
> Why does pain exist?
Imagine a world with no pain. Peaceful, but not so empathetic or smart. Our choices are built up on the past experiences we've had. Without pain, we would not be able to understand people, the world, what keeps us safe/unsafe, the good and the bad of variable other problems that exist in the world, and so many more.
Pain is a necessary thing in this world, without it our empathy and reasoning levels would go down. Without pain, things like boundaries and social awareness would be a rare thing to exist. Without pain, it can affect the world in its mental and physical states.
Imagine yourself without pain. Would you still have the level of kindness and empathy you do for others, in a life where things without comfort don’t exist at all? Jobs without pain would disappear, and the number of jobs disappearing in that situation would be quite big.
Pain makes you wiser.
Don’t like pain? That;s too bad, it happens all the time. You can kill yourself or get over it. Killing yourself wouldn’t do anything but remove all the hard work you’ve done for yourself and others. Life is unfair, we know that. Are you going to do something about it? It’s okay to rant about it, but your perspective won’t change if you keep complaining about it. Comfort is something we all enjoy, but can distract us from our own problems.
> Why does every good thing have a bad counterpart?
Remember, anything too much is no good. No matter if it is good or bad.
Mostly everything has contradictions and consequences, that’s just how it is. Balance is something important to keep the world at some sort of peace.
By identifying the bad and the goods parts around you, you don’t become extremely biased, miserable, or someone who romanticizes things at an unhealthy amount.
> Why does pain happen to people that don’t deserve it?
Pain and experiences are life lessons.
People that trust too easily can get easily manipulated. By creating boundaries and having a stronger “gut feeling”, they are able to guide themselves in the world.
People that are too kind to others also get easily manipulated. If they repeat this pattern of people pleasing and letting people walk over them, they will start to get depressed/bitter.
“Why are people treating me like this?” I don’t know, maybe it’s because you don’t set boundaries for yourself. Those are the consequences of your actions.
“I hate everyone, this world is cruel. I don’t deserve this.” You’re right, you don’t deserve this. Where will being bitter take you? It’s okay to be angry, or take your anger out on things in a healthy manner. Staying in this position will get you nowhere, and anger can develop you into a destructive person. Then, you don’t really have a reason to complain that the world is cruel. By becoming cruel yourself, you are no better than others. You are no different from the so called cruel people in this world.
Learn to cope healthier.
It’s not your fault for why things happen the way they do. But it is your responsibility to take care of yourself. You cannot blame people for your unhealthy coping mechanisms all the time.
> Life is hard. I can’t do this anymore.
Yes you fucking can.
The farthest you can go is like, what? 100 years? Rarely more than that? You have a long way to go, don’t just stop here.
Life can be hard, we all know that. It can be too much for us, even to the point where it can drive us insane. But you know what? There’s still a light at that end of the tunnel. Driving yourself deeper and deeper in only guides you further away from it.
If you know how to deal with your problems, do it.
You’re never “too deep” in. There is always a possibility you can get back, even if it takes a long time. That’s the blessing we have, because as long as we are alive we have a chance.
>Time heals all wounds.
Not all the time.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. It depends on how much the wound has scarred you. Take people with PTSD, for example.
Even if the wounds may not heal, you’re able to manage some aspects of it.
> What’s the point in anything?
You can tell me about the whole “nothing matters” speech, which i totally get.
Fine. In your perspective, maybe things don’t matter. That doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to do anything. Isn’t that fun? No meaning, so we get to create our own.
Do something with that gift.
> This is bad! (some normal aspect that has its good and bad sides, like AI)
It isn’t too much of a bad thing.
Let’s say a kitchen knife. Kitchen knives have a reputation for being used as a weapon, but it was really used to help cook.
So if it’s original purpose is to help, why do we say that it is bad?
Because the holder abuses its advantages.
A kitchen knife can be the ally of a killer or a cook. It’s not exactly the knife’s fault, it’s the person using it.
Morals and People
> Why can't I judge people?
Maybe you're being brutally honest, as you say it. Okay, well being brutally honest has its good parts.
But judging people is also rude. Sure, you can be honest. But if it's someone you don't even know, you really don't have a right to judge them. That person who's walking weirdly? They might have an incurable disability. That woman across the street, saying how her dress looks ugly? It's her first time going outside in a while, she's been dealing with severe amounts of social anxiety. When she builds up the confidence to go outside, the first comment she's met with is someone calling her outfit ugly.
That kid who's teeth look ugly? They're severely depressed and have a hard time taking care of themselves. Or it could be a deformation completely out of their control.
You have no idea what people go through, it's not like they can change anything/everything about themselves.
> Why aren’t they paying attention to me?
If this is online, you don’t know what the person is doing in real life. They could be experiencing some sort of abuse they don’t tell you, or have a very busy schedule. Maybe they are trying to live a healthy life, and need to move on. You need to accept that.
If this is in real life, maybe you could ask them about it, which is okay. But remember, you never know what is going on. You cannot always assume it is personal unless the person is being obviously rude to you
People are not obliged to give you unlimited amounts of attention. Unless if they are a close friend of yours, reaching out to them is okay
> Why aren’t they being kind to me back?(in the way where you want people to give you the same people pleasing tendencies you do)
Nobody has ever asked for your constant gifts and compliments. Therefore, they do not owe you it back.
Decent respect and kindness is enough. It is okay to be kind, but being intrusive and pressuring people to be kind to you because they aren’t “doing enough” is just proving that you’re not doing kind things for the sake of being kind: you just want something out of them.
There is a difference between people pleasing and genuine kindness. If you pressure people to always give back the overwhelming kindness you do, nobody will want to open up or hang around you.
If they don’t give you a thanks, move on. Other people will do the same. If they don’t give you the same level of affection you do, don’t expect more from them.
> Why aren’t they being kind to me back? (kind to a rude/neutral stranger)
This person could have some inner struggles with emotions. Be patient. Again, not everyone is like you. You don’t even know this person.
Unless they are being rude, you could stand up for yourself. But if it is in the sense that they do not thank you, is it really a big deal? Does it matter? Was it a big blow to your emotions?
If it was, you should consider why people might act the way they do.
> Why aren’t they getting where I’m coming from?
Not everyone is like you. It’s 8 billion people in this world, not everyone is able to develop intelligence as fast as everyone else. They could have a disorder or some trauma, again.
If people aren’t getting where you are coming from, assuming that they are simply stupid is rude. Be tolerant of them. Only getting angry at them for not getting it will pressure them into not saying anything if they do not know a subject
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we don’t understand certain concepts. That does not mean you are stupid. By being taught what it is, we learn.
> Why aren’t they agreeing with my opinion?
Everyone has different perspectives and viewpoints, you are not always in the right. Don’t have a habit of comparing yourself to other people to make yourself look better, you are creating an ego if it creates an imbalance.
Nobody is obliged to agree with you. Forcing your opinions on someone because you are “right” makes you ignorant.
> Why can't I have revenge?
Even if someone's done something bad to you, don't do it back. Yes, stand up for yourself. But not in a way where it makes you someone who isn't better than them at all, someone who commits the same acts as them.
If you're not the one to bring justice, someone else will. Karma does happen, and even without your knowledge, they will suffer for their actions. You are just becoming like them if you let bitterness consume you
> I thought I could rely on them.
Nobody can "fix" you. They might have some impact, but the way you form yourself is solely based on YOUR choices. The way YOU take in things, the way YOU make choices, the way YOU see things: Is your own choice.
Stop relying on people to fix you. Nobody is your therapist(unless you have a therapist). Nobody is obliged to fix you.
It's okay to open up to people, but trauma dumping? Are we serious? And then you get mad when people don't sympathize with you after draining them? Seriously, be more considerate. It's not like they don't want to help you, or maybe they don't. Consider the fact that maybe people need space?
Engage in self care, self positivity, anything that will help you with your mental state. People can only give suggestions and words of comfort, but what's important is if you accept it or not.
What you let into your mind is your own doing.
> Why are people so rude?
Unfortunately, the way they were raised or the environment around them has to play a big part in it. There’s not much you can do except try to live through it.
By accepting what it is and knowing how to manage it, you are able to cross the world without becoming seriously bothered by a few jerks around you. You can complain all day about how people are jerks. Which again, you’re allowed to do. But if you are constantly plagued with anger, always so easily tempered by it, complaining will do you no change.
All day, all you want, you can ramble to yourself on and on about how people are so annoying. Which yeah, they can be a genuine pain in the ass. But it’s not like you can’t do something about it. You’re not helpless. Take some breathing exercises, go to therapy.
And remember, people are capable of change. You, yourself, has once done something bad, or was a bad person. But you have changed into what you are today. The realization of how wrong it is to be a jerk, how much actions can affect others has formed you into a better person(depending if you have or not)
And hey, people may not realize how their actions affect others until they are an adult. That’s okay, just as long as they find a period of time where they change their actions. People’s development and realization of their action is a spectrum.
Empathize and ignore. Silence can be devastating for others, you know?
Coping
Sadness
- Take a walk
- Listen to music and ignore the feeling
- Deep breathing
- Meditation
- Spend time with family members
- Drive around
- Hug the clothes in your closet
- Open the window at night and listen to the noises/look at the lights
- Write about it
Anger
- Talk to your anger as if you're a therapist: Listen and reason
- Deep breathing
- Read the Bible
- Repeat mantras and study the book you wrote about people
- Empathize
- Engross yourself in a hobby
Emptiness
- Engross in a hobby
- Listen to music
- Get on a call with friends/talk with friends
- Write about the meaning of life
- Spend time in nature
Dissociation
- Touch, smell, and hear 5 or more things around you
- Deep breathing
- Take a walk
- Drive around
- Hug someone/hug the clothes in your closet
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