I'm not doing feelin so sigma chat😓🥀

I just wanna sleep. And i don't mean, I'm just a Little tired.

I'M EXHAUSTED, BEYOND FUCKING BELIEF. I haven't been able to get a full night's rest for Months now, ever since i started my third year but before that for sure too.

Tommorows the Most IMPORTANT day of the year, and i can't keep my eyes open. It's a struggle even now, truly. If i WE'RE to go, I'd fuck it up. I'd forget, I'd hesitate and I'd just Stop. I'd rather forcefully make myself sick or seem like it to not go at this point.

I've already passed out while standing this year, but i don't know if that was from my fuckass Sleep schedule. It was pretty warm for Amsterdam, job week thing and i already fucked it up and got into another fight before leaving. So that's explainable i guess.

In all truth, i don't wanna wake up Tomorrow. And it's NOT, for the reason of wanting myself dead, truly. That's an ENTIRELY different story.

But just for the reason of Me wanting to sleep soundly through the night, not on my floor for hours on end. Not at school, not ANYWHERE else. It's pathetic.

And i keep seeing things, i KNOW that they're just my mind fucking it up. But they're getting more, Real in a way. I don't even see them, but I'm Paranoid. When the crowds disperse, the lights fade. The only thing i have is myself, Something i truly don't want at times. I feel shit staring at me, under my desk. Under my bed (High bed or what the fck you call it in America). I don't feel safe in my own home at times all due to Myself.

All i think about Now is just thinking to keep myself awake. Even today.

I'm tired. Truly, just, Tired

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(Please let someone get the Pixies reference, i very Sneakily added😼😞)