vent ignore

content warning; self harm ;( pls read at ur own risk

note: we dont rlly care abt sympathy, dont feel the need to pity for us, were just writing this to get itoff our chests

this is so stupid but like,, we like this site and we dont rlly have other places to go
just ignore this mostly, it's jsut us ranting cause it helps us get over it

i SWEAR to god our friend is slowly replacing us and its not fun at all. we barely spend time together anymore, they are focused on their other friends more, and we just feel like we're slowly being replaced again and it SUCKS.

its completely irrational but its a super big fear of ours and it jsut hurts so bad. i cant even say shit bc what r we meant to say?? because all theyre technically doing is spending time with others but its not just that. whenever i see them on ponytown theyre with others. they never offer to play anymore and i cant ask bc then they see it as a chore and then its 100% gonna be a no so we're just relying on them asking but they NEVER ask. and everytime  we see them ingame its just like. theyre ALWAYS with other friends. how come they play with others but not us?? is something wrong with us, do they not like us anymore?? i dontknow what to do and its so overwhelming. i feel like we're just the backup friend atp and its like. do they even gaf?? all we really chat on is discord and tiktok and we barely do. i know part of it is our dependency on them but we're not gonna tell them that EVER because why would we?? its fucking hell having someone be dependant on you anywyas. we lit relapsed a few days ago due to this stressing us out and everytime we see the scars it gets WORSE. i fucking hate this shit so bad. WE LLIT CANT SAY ANYTHING EITHER CAUSE WERE SCARED ITLL JUST SOUND CONTROLLING AND THATS LIKE THE LAST THING WE WANT. we just want them to spend more time with us im so upset.  

its even more annoying cause our host (lyra) is most affected by this and their response to these kinds of situation is cutting everyone off and its stressing out the WHOLE system. alot of us really love our friend but we dont know what to do anymore and we're tryung to be rational and calm down but its so difficult because half the system is just wanting to cut them off because theyre convinced they dont care abt us in the slightest.

there sm more to it but tis just gonna sound like us being selfish i fear. none of us know what to do.

EDIT: literally as we are writing this both (friend and a mutual friend (althought idk the mutual friend personally)) come back online after saying they were gonna leave. they dont even offer for us to come and sit with them or anything. THEY DONT CARE. they dont care. they dont care i am so upset rn.