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Ive been having a lot of deep talks with my friends recently and the topic of love and romance keeps coming up. On at least 2 separate occasions people have said the phrase "love is dead" to me in the past week. its made me wonder is "love" possible in this day and age or have we became to absorbed in self hatred to allow ourselves to actually be happy.
to be abundantly clear my "evidence" for and against this argument are from past experiences of me and my friends so don't hold too much merit to the words of a 17 year old on the internet, I just wanted others opinions and to provoke a discussion on the subject.
Obviously I am only 17 so I don't expect to have found my one and true love yet. Highschool sweethearts were genuinely a rare thing back in the day so I didnt have very high hopes for my dating life in the first place. If that leaves you with the question "well why date in the first place?" the answer is experience. I wanted to know what I wanted in a partner from a young age to ensure I didnt settle for less than what I deserved in my adult life and so I could identify red flags early on.
every "relationship" ive had in the past few years has genuinely just been "hey I like you wanna kiss?" when you boil it down and it almost always happened over text and that just feels sort of hollow to me if you know what I mean? like take me to dinner and write me love poems don't say "wits yer snap", that genuinely is just EW. I want to feel pursued and actually wanted by someone.
also is the concept of dates just foreign to people now? like no Netflix and chilling is not a "date". take me to the god damn movies, take me on a walk though the woods then well stop for coffee or tea or even brunch! idc just something actually meaningful.
also this can't be answered via "men are trash" IM BISEXUAL WOMEN AREN'T ANY BETTER.
But then what about the people preaching love is dead? those people clearly want the same. ive had positive experiences to an extent, my last partner made me origami creations of my favourite animal and we went to the movies and it genuinely did feel like a relationship, like DATING. of course that relationship ended because we are dumb teens and it was bound to fail but I remember all the love notes and thoughtful gifts and genuinely I was really happy.
my friend told me about how they write love notes and buy gifts in advance for their partners any time they mention something they really like to make sure the gift is valuable and means something to them, that sort of care and love can't be denied.
so why in this world full of technology that should be connecting us all over the globe is it separating us from our supposed "lovers".
personally I think the answer is the mental health issues caused by the isolation of the technological world but this blog is already getting long so LMK if you want to hear more about that and I might make a separate post about that when I have the energy.
anywho! what do y'all think??
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B-A-R-C-L-A-Y
"every "relationship" ive had in the past few years has genuinely just been "hey I like you wanna kiss?" when you boil it down and it almost always happened over text and that just feels sort of hollow to me if you know what I mean? like take me to dinner and write me love poems don't say "wits yer snap", that genuinely is just EW. I want to feel pursued and actually wanted by someone.
also is the concept of dates just foreign to people now? like no Netflix and chilling is not a "date". take me to the god damn movies, take me on a walk though the woods then well stop for coffee or tea or even brunch! idc just something actually meaningful."
I strongly strongly agree with this sentiment, i used to be so stressed out about being in a relationship one day because i kept having the hunch that all their foundations of it was just sex or appeasing base desires or appeasing family tradition. Like...is it just roommates? Friends with benefits? Long term prostitution? Larping for your parents?
I do think true love exists out there, and that some people have achieved it. Just don't have any real role models for it. (Theres fiction like The Addams, but of course thats fantastical.)
I hope you find the right person one day.
ok i didnt mean the whole thing to be bolded+italicized, just your quote lol
by B-A-R-C-L-A-Y; ; Report
kitkatanddog
I don't think love's dead, I think that people have to be the change they want to see in the world. we can't expect other people to be vulnerable & caring towards us if we're not willing to take the risk & model those behaviours for them, too- even if it's uncomfortable to invest in giving to other people, when we're not sure if they can give back to us. this 'experimentation' gives us the information we need to find out how available others are *before* we get into relationships with them, & the discernment to figure out whether they're someone we want to go further with. ultimately, the responsibility is on us to not just want better, but to try to be better, too. if we let ourselves go on 'dates' with people who just want to get in our pants as soon as we're alone, rather than take the opportunity to connect & learn with us, then it's only reasonable that we'll be burnt out by the time the opportunity presents itself to try something new.