Downsizing

It started with deleting all of my music from all platforms, and then turned into deleting nearly all social media altogether.

I’ve been living with a level of anxiety that has consumed my life. I wanted to be popular, well-liked, the same things many other people wanted to be since high school. The problem was that I was never any of those things. I was a severely bullied kid in high school and graduated one of the most hated in my class. It didn’t exactly set me up for success in any capacity. If anything, it only made my life worse as I’ve aged. 

I’d only ever wanted to be a musician. I wanted to write music, sing, play for crowds. I wanted to be in a band. I was told over and over just to be a solo artist, and also told that I wasn’t good enough to be a solo artist anyway. It got to a point that writing music was causing panic attacks. I would lose the ability to breathe trying to record demos. My singing voice was weakening overall. It was time to quit.

The closer I get to 30, the more I realize I was never meant for more than being someone’s wife, someone’s mom. I was never supposed to be my own person. I was being selfish. So, I’ve cut it all off except for this lonely little island on the internet where I can just talk to myself like I’ve always done.