ihatedrawingasmuchasihatemyself. (yapsession)

 (for context i typed out the first paragraph before just sobbing on my notebook for hours like a bitch, the second paragraph is a continuation of my rant when i had calmed down more.)

i hate drawing. I want to improve at it but i cant. no matter what method i use it ends up looking shitty as hell or just plain bad. i tried improving my handwriting thinking it was something to do with that (idkwhy) but that didn't do jack shit, nor did my handwriting improve much. I tried using anatomy, references, fucking PINTREST. NOTHING. i want to quit, but i don't wanna quit a hobby i enjoy so much. (I still liked drawing, it's just frustrating not being able to create something decent.) To make matters worse. (for me anyway) i would constantly berate myself for drawing so shitty and just shutdown for the entire day. i hate it bro. immature yes but i don't care. i just want my "art" to look good instead of a fucking preschool drawing. i don't know why im like this fr and i might not even post this shit. 

Okay so. As a kid I really liked drawing. The thought of being able to think of anything and just putting that idea/concept or whatever the hell it was on paper was just *neuron activation* and i have been just doodling and sketching ever since. Around the 7th grade I had finally taken it seriously and tried to improve on it and as always. I didn't like the result but I had just chalked to up too. 

"Maybe I'll get better with time."

And yeah. I did but barely. I can't even draw a head without struggling so much on just making a circle. I can't draw hands, torso not even fucking eyes properly. It pisses me off so much to the point I started just throwing my notebooks at my wall or just scrapping whatever i was drawing mid sketch. My mom always asks why I "quit" drawing. (ihadtoldheriquitbciwasembarressedoftheshitstainicallart) and it just irks me even more. I hate feeling this way over something so trivial. (ifthatseventheword)

Anywho~ My normal shitpost blogs will be back soon. sorry for the vent but i kinda gotta let this out or ill just destroy myself inside fr.

#ledinmybloodstream #imtired #malecrybaby #pinkbunnyboy #sillyxilly :3 #nomorehashtags #capwekeepinghashtags #adventuretimeisgoated #ineedgas #ineedmyweed