Life updates T-T

Boring mostly, although Freya has been obsessed with one friend I’ll call Clover. I’ve been replaced mostly but this has happened before. She forgets about me for a few weeks, leaves me desperate for her attention, it’s humiliating when she gives me dirty looks because she’s more focused on Clover (who we both used to hate together). She’s replaced me with Clover as her alternative friend. Hell Clover even convinced Freya and (Male friend I’ll call John) to read warrior cats. Fucking warrior cats and you might think; “so what? It’s just the cat book?” Well first of all Freya used to literally make fun of Clover for reading WC and call her a furry. Secondly this is all so sudden!!! Also Freya tried to gatekeep Charlie xcx from me (???) and when I told her “tryna gatekeep one of the biggest artist currently is crazy.” She got all pissy like; “Well you did it with Clover.” And I’m like fair enough but I gatekept because I didn’t like her, secondly FREYA USED TO AGREE MCR WAS MY THING!!! She used to agree with my gatekeeping, I still kinda care but literally she used to agree with me. Still I look for Freyas approval in anything. I feel like the friend she only talks to when no one’s left; walking up to the bus with John who gets picked up, after we leave the school gate he leaves and now I don’t have to walk behind him and Freya anymore and now I’m suddenly getting the chat. If I’m tired and don’t want to reply she’ll get angry. I feel unreal, my mum knows when I don’t feel much attachment to any of my friends. I can’t wait to leave when I’m 18, maybe I’ll find some friends who treat me like I’m disposable, because maybe I am but so are they. One day I want to ground myself with permanence. For now I’m stuck.