it wuz my birfday

as the title suggests, it wuz my birfday a few days ago. wahoo! it wasnt exactly a good birthday (i was pretty bored and upset for a lot of it) but i got a new phone and that was awesome! now im 15 hurrraaahhh

errr,, i didnt actually start this post with an idea about what to write but it usually happens if i just keep yapping UMM it feels weird being 15 i feel so olllddd even though im just a baby but im an old baby. which is gross. anyways, ive been thinking 

i forgot what i was gonna say in the middle of typing that so yeah ive been thinking. unfortunately. oh something i can talk about is how my interests have started lasting so much longer since i stopped using tiktok. like its actually insane to me how when i used to use tiktok my interests lasted like a month or a couple at most but detective conan has not left me alone for like 7 MONTHS. goodness gracious me. and its not even like its just stayed my interest while ive gotten into other things NO its JUST detco brah. and a few other things obviously cuz i love loads of things but PRIMARILY DETCO FOR 7 MONTHS oh my god. i think its a combination of my attention span improving and also not being blasted with 20 fandoms a day from scrolling constantly and always wanting to watch new things, and dont get me wrong its not a BAD thing to be into loads of stuff and changing interests constantly, its just something ive experienced my whole life and finally being dedicated to a fandom like this feels so NICE and i actually have loads of fanart piling up for it and i dont need to remake all my profiles and stuff all the time and its just lovely idk! like dont take anything i say as a guide im just saying what makes ME feel happy and right now its being trapped eternally in detective hell. oh boy i love detectives.

also since im not getting into loads of new fandoms as quickly, my old interests have been popping up again way more!! how ive missed you!!!!! i love looping back to things ive loved in the past like oh my precious sillies its been so long!!! and just the other day i remembered osamu dazai from bungou stray dogs exists (dont ask why.. idrk why he just appeared in my brain the other day out of nowhere but he does that i guess and i support)

dont even get me STARTED on how much i relate to that man. oh boy. and NO i do not mean this like "sigh hes so me because i wanna KMS and hes just a goofy suicidal funky man" and yes he is a funky man but STOP THIS MADNESS im gonna sound so pretentious and ranty and like that one guy whos like erm none of you get it like i do heh... but im being so for real i do not like the way the bsd fandom presents dazai. at all. whatsoever. i could yap about this for ages and also how the really young age demographic of the fandom (WHICH I CAN VOUCH FOR. I WAS 9 WHEN I WATCHED BSD FOR THE FIRST TIME) means that the media literacy is actually.. surprisingly low for a show about classic authors (technically theyre all based on the protags of their books but named after the authors but thats me being pedantic so whatever) and that means the fandomised versions of characters are PAINFULLY FLAT like please stop

dazai is a really bloody well written character and i really relate to him in general but primarily his psychology and like,, AARHGHRG idk how to explain it acutely but i dont relate to him in the way ive seen a lot of people do like with the suicidal tendencies (im not suicidal. literally the opposite) and using comedy to hide depression and generally struggling with lack of agency because of the ABUSE and i wasnt abused like he was so obviously i dont relate to that, and those things may be part of his character but for me its more of how he actually thinks and his attitudes while hes in the ada -- to sum it up a bit better, i feel like a lot of people assume dazai is still the same as he was in the pm just with a new coat. like. thats the best way to describe it, but when he was in the pm he wasnt the same genius as he is in the ada, he was 15 and THOUGHT he knew everything and was horribly depressed and manipulated and whatnot, whereas in the ada he may still seem the same deep down from a glance, but he genuinely has changed fundamentally from how he was before and it isnt just some charade of being a good person which i feel like A LOT OF PEOPLE ASSUME IT IS??? why??

anyways ths literally turned into a shitty rant about some fictional twink and i cant even rant fully because to say more about him would be to vent like crazy and im NOT doing that on this blog that is for my JOURNAL anyways so basically errr

back on the subject of birthday cuz thats what i started thiis about ummmmmm i deadass still feel 10. like i accidentally said i was 10 a few weeks ago. but i also feel so old. whateva. ok nvm i have nothing else to say about birthdays YKW im just gonna end this post because im literally just yapping about nothing and there is nothing of interest in this whole blog post so goodbye