Social cues are rough

I wish I understood people better. No matter how deeply I care about people, if I misunderstand something or make a mistake.. that's it. It's over. It'll tear things apart, and I won't even know what hit me. 

I noticed a long time ago that I struggle understanding what people are asking for me, or subtly hint at. Perhaps they don't know themselves, but send me cues that I should have picked up on. Sure I could say it's not my fault. But how could I not wonder what it'd be like if things went right? If the path was smoother, not only for them, but for myself. How many sleepless nights would have been spared of all this overthinking, where I ponder on what I did wrong? 

And yes, sure, I have diagnoses. But people don't understand to what degree my obliviousness is. How it impacts my relationships, myself, my entire life. I've told people, yet, when the time comes and I feel lost and unsure what to do.. It's a lost case. I only sit with the result of not being good enough. And no one can help. 

I try my best, but I don't know what I'm fighting for.