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Sorry in advance, the name is "smart", I didn't want to put that on the title because it sounded pretentious, maybe it's pretentious, but then again, it's not like anyone can come to me and call me names, even if they could, they won't, and it took me long enough to figure it out.
Do people get the feeling of being "underrated"? I get a strange form of that feeling, imagine you're in a pedestal, not even a high one, but you look taller than your peers when you're in such pedestal, it's good, of course, it comes with the good old flattering, the one a lot of people crave, a lot of us need. The problem comes when you aren't comfortable in that pedestal, but it's rock solid, in place, and yet turning more and more small as time goes by, closing you to everything it could be, making you balance to not fall off it.
Being down there isn't good either, because it isn't like I'll become "one of them" for "lowering my status", I won't, if I try and touch steady floors again, I'll be "wasted potential", can someone relate? What happens when you're good at maintaining the "smart kid" facade? What happens when you achieve to go past it and become a "smart teenager"? You know it won't last, sooner or later you'll have to become "smart adult" or "wasted potential", why there are only two buttons? Why everyone has a full range of possibilities cut down because they are completely capable or achieve them?
I'm not talking about "smart kid" anymore, I'm talking about "kid", "kid" loves some things, "kid" knows how to draw, but isn't good at math, poor "kid", but oh well, "kid" will make good cartoons when they grow up, don't you think? Behind someone who isn't good at math, is someone good at paint, behind someone who isn't good at paint, there's someone good at music, and the list goes on and on, until your maximum gets achieved, and everyone claps and cheers, while "adult" is successful at their life.
Let's go back at "smart kid", "smart kid" is also good at drawing, or at least that's what people keep repeating to them (yes, I'm projecting myself, thanks for the feedback), but "smart kid" is good at math too, and "smart kid" is good at managing big groups of people too, "smart kid" is good at a lot of things, yet "smart kid" doesn't want a managing job, he wants to make cartoons too, but he can't enter art school, his grades are too good to enter it, he's too "smart kid" to make something small, he needs to be big, to be better than everyone. Some years later, "smart kid" burnt out, what a shame, now "smart kid" is "pretentious adult", "pretentious adult" is a shame to us all, his grades aren't as good to enter business school, go get your art degree and leave us alone you waste of potential, we all know you could do much better than art school, go fulfil your minimum while everyone stares at you with their good advice of how "you could do so much better than this".
Wait a minute? what happens if we make "pretentious adult" meet "adult"? Is "adult" better than "pretentious adult"? "adult" reached their full potential, they are praised for it, while "pretentious adult" reached their minimum potential, and people aren't happy about it, what a shame, "pretentious adult" should've known better and go to business school, and avoid speaking a word of that school to "adult", "adult" can't enter business school, we all know that, and we aren't going to rub it in his face, are we?
"You can be whatever you want", it works until you want to become something that doesn't push boundaries, it works until you search fulfilment for yourself, not for your parents to show off to their friends.
Sorry
-"Pretentious Teenager"
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Holden
DUDE, I HAD THE SAME PROB
When I was in secondary school, I pretty much needed to do half as the others to achieve the same results, but in third grade I got so depressed I started sleeping in class. When I say "sleeping" I mean coming at 8, fall asleep til 11, go out and smoke a fag, come back at 11:30 and sleep til it was time to leave.
I got so fed up by all the expectations and new obligations I did the entire oposite to what people wanted me to be, a lazy lost teenager. Now, I just completed sixth form, and just for doing that my parents are gratefull. If I were to continue by that path, only a ten in a row would have satisfied'em.
But that's not the moral of the story, last year I was going through a rough time, and one of my professors noticed. She helped me and told me something very important, "well, I hope you're not doing this for approval, if you do it for someone, do it for yourself." And then it clicked, I'm not studying or working or any of that FOR MY PARENTS, I'm doing it for me, my future! My life! So yk kid, just do whatever. If you like something, try it out! It's your life after all