:·( yet another rant

Another rantttttt... Ahhhh :S

This one will be smaller cos its only really today thats bothered me. But I've really wanted to talk to someone all day and, well, I did!! But i wanted more than a 5 minute conversation, i wanted to talk for longer. But my paranoia always eats away at me and makes me back away from messaging first, from saying hi, from doing anything. All i can to is reply and hope that they keep talking to me. I mean right now, i just have two friends, it would be three but one is away right now :·( 

So what i have right now, is kind of all. And I don't wanna be all 'pity me!!' but it is a little hard for a person like me, who depends on talking to people, validation, i always yearn for that senee of safety i get when i talk to someone. 

Just having a conversation makes me happier than most things, i guess feeling cared for, really. Its kind of sad, but thats how ive always felt. I kind of just wish i was normal and more fit for things yknow? I dont know if this makes sense, or if i make sense :·( but yea, this ended up beign longer than i wanted,,

Sorry for ranting again but its better to rant than sit down and sulk all day,, anyways its 5am i should probably sleep, unless i cant :S

Ok ily goopbye :·)