new poem i just wrote (tw??)

“good morninggg” i say,

4 hours go by.

he wakes up at 8

i wake up at 9.

trying to occupy myself,

otherwise i’d die,

he’s holding the knife

and i let him with a sigh.

he takes my hand

with a sparkle in his eye,

i look at him and smile

i don’t feel a single butterfly.

it’s not perfect but it happens,

he seems satisfied,

he leaves. im left there,

staring at the sky,

wondering if it was worth it

just to feel a bit high.

it wasn’t. i feel empty.

instead of sleeping i cry.

“good morning” i say,

the whole day goes by.

i stare at my phone waiting 

for a stupid reply. 

but there’s none.

it was a lie.

i knew it all along,

i don’t even know why

i let myself witness how

his ego and his pride

take control of my dignity 

and make me wanna die.

but i still say “good morning”

instead of goodbye,

because i could never love myself

the way i love a guy.