uh hey

So uh hiii pookies uh just a question/rant idk

So I am raised in a religious household and in general putting the religious aside, it's wasn't really the lets say best household...

ANYWAY my relationship with religion isn't bad but yeah

also what I am mostly low-key gonna talk about is my family life and a bit of religion so yeah 

so anyway first is the family rant!..... 

so I go to therapy for my ADHD,OCD,ODD etc and my therapist being smth like I forgot but some physio therapist???

Whatever but from what I heard she is supposed to be like a physio therapist or smth

anyway so we were at a session yesterday and she was doing an assessment about my OCD and my mom was away cuz yk space and stuff so any we were yapping and to somehow lead to us talking about family life idk and I kinda spilled ig to much? so basically my family's gen trauma and stuff and I am from South Asia and in our culture hitting ur child and all that stuff is normalized and I talked about it so basically my mom did low-key a lot of traumatizing things when I was little that still stuck with me example: I remember when I was idk grade 3-5? idk I can't remember but she in a way choked? yeah erm anyway she basically would hit me like usually ifykyk idk and used to lock me in a room for a few seconds but not for a hour or smth but yeah and what's was low-key worst that at the time every since I was little I had undiagnosed yk ADHD,OCD,ODD and I remember my OCD being there when I was little it was smth that was always with idk ifykyk anyway studying I would get distracted and my parents would think it was me just misbehaving and stuff so I would get punished or smth a bit but actually in reality it was I am pretty sure symptoms of ADHD and yeah and all that stuff also how my mom's childhood was low-key fucked up too and I can't really blame her cuz my mom's dad wasn't the best of a father let's say he would get easily mad and hit my mom and my mom's mom yeah....My dad also apparently had a fucked up childhood cuz his mom would push him and hit him a lot and yeah so gen trauma repeating ifykyk idk anyway the therapist low-key related to me with her child low-key families issues and also my mom was low-key treated not well after she married my dad and my dad's mom yk being my mom's in law and yk inlaw ifykyk idk anyway so yeah and then we talked about religion a bit and for me religion isn't smth bad nor did I really religious trauma idk anyway so one thing in general I wanna ask is (P>S I am raised in a Muslim family and I myself is a Muslim lol) is that some parts of Islam are confusing idk like being gay is apparently seen not really a good thing like have desire/feelings is ok but acting up on is not or smth but idk if it's just me but I don't really see being gay a sin but I don't really like thinking about this cuz it just confuses me more idk anyway so yeah I mean being gay is smth u can't truly controls I am pretty sure it is also found in animals being homosexual and to me Islam isn't bad but another thing I hate is culture norms seen as "Islam" example: child marriages (ew....) like as a Muslim myself it truly disgusts me and like I lack of women rights in Muslim countries when I am pretty sure in the Quran it says to literally to respect women like example: I am pretty sure it mentions that if u are a Muslim man u can hit ur wife and how a mother is always first yk idk I am bad at explaining but yeah anyway although I don't have a bad connection with religion I do have questions and confusion ifykyk idk anyway another thing I hate is how example: most of the Muslim kids at my school are homophobic like I remember last year this girl was a Muslim and the school had pride posters right? I remember she ripped them off or smth which gave me the ick as a Muslim myself it's srsly not hard to at least be a kind person but if she changed?..........Anyway yeah like a lot of the Muslim kids say bs like "bEiNg TrAnS iS sTuPiD!!!!!" um like not it's not plz educate urself.....but I can't really say anything cuz there's gonna those people that say I will "gO tO hElL!!!!" for being a kind person with basic empathy and respect and kindness towards people and not being hateful? yeah I don't think so specially If Islam is the religion of peace like also what's ironic is these "Muslims" go and say "rEsPeCt EvErYoNe" and then go on to say to other Muslims if they do like anything wrong that "YOU ARE GONNA GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" like......nah cuz I remember so basically I love drawing and making ocs and some Muslims said to me "DRAWING HUMAN IS HARAM UR GONNA GO TO HELL U FAKE MUSLIM BURN BURN BURN BLAH BLAH *INSERT BS*" like .S.Y.F.M. oh don't what that stands for?  SHUT.    UR.    FUCKING.    MOUTH.       

Thank youuu<3  anyway yeah I hate Muslims that literally say anything is Haram every 5 seconds like Emily u aren't gonna die! and yeah (while writing this I realized I wrote a lot ummm help) any and I hate how some of the Muslim kids also hate on different religions etc like ur not peaceful....anyway so back to therapy so I was just saying family issue setc and my therapist said maybe a CPS checkup but she really want to but yeah and that shit is up to her manager so long story short NO I am not gonna to foster care or nor want to cuz like wtf???? and NO I am pretty my mamma ain't going to jail💔 and it's just gonna be a little therapy session or smth IF CPS thinks that good to do but yeah also I am pretty sure the foster and jaill and much worse things are in WAY WAY MORE WORST FAMILY @BU$3 so yeah and i think the fact that I mentioned that our culture normalize hitting ur child would be apart of the reason anyway NO MY MOM DOES NOT EXTREMELY @BU$3 ME I do care about her i t was just how my family has gen trauma and stuff anyway still crying over my cats aka my babies and don't wanna get reminded of that anyway i am fine and I love my mom it's just that times can be tough anyway byeeeeeeeeeee thx for reading ts (also there might be grammar mistakes so yeah)