Rant !!

I really wish that i functioned normally, I can't eat at regular times, I can't sleep normally, I can't socialise face to face without overthinking every word, I feel like I'm not enough but too much at the same time. I depend so much on reassurance too, and I say sorry too much. Cos it's always "Not to bother but ___" or "Sorry if I'm being annoying."

The worst of this is probably the sleeping and ability to socialise (or lack thereof,) since I usually have one reoccurring question, "how to I improve ___?" and one of the key things is ALWAYS "make sure you have a good sleep pattern!" but I know ill never have that. and the inability to socialise in person is just...its very obvious why that's an issue. I feel like failure a lot because I know I could never hold a job, and I know I could never go back to school.

the whole school situation was.. mildly insane. everything was okay until I turned sixteen basically, since around October/November 2024, I struggled to cope with school and the environment. It was awful,, no bullying or anything [except the one time I had a glass bottle to the head.. yeowch btw.. there was so much blood :( ] but people were loud, and i never felt safe. I was the kid that people would talk to for fun, or to make fun. in my first year of high school [~11 y/o] i had a girl pretend to be my friend because she pitied me, her own words btw.. cos in my third year she walked up n told me that her friend dared her to be my friend because they both felt bad.. even though I had friends at the time, who STILL ended up being terrible.. :S

but yea I'm sorry if this is too much or anything</3 that is all,,,, but not really. there's worse things I could rant about unfortunately :S

ok goopbye ily <3