Seventh Grade Ruins.

Dear Nobody <3

Lately, although it happens often, I've been thinking back to a time long gone, a crossroad that changed me forever. When I was in 7th grade I had a crush on a girl I spoke to often, I didn't have crushes as a kid, even at that age whilst my friends boasted being in relationships all I was interested in was having cool friends so I had many guy and girl friends, the only other time I did was two years prior and she ended up dating my best friend at the time, he didn't know I had a crush on her so I didn't blame him but that being my first emotional attachment ever that was romantic it shook me and our friendship didn't last.

fast forward, we were in the same class and next to each other on the class list, I was shy but friendly to everyone and so was she, we spoke often and developed a good friendship, as time passed we shared more and more with each other, stories, family pictures and so on, she was perfect in my eyes and the way she smiled with me made me think I was too, I grew comfortable and told a girl I was friends with, I was so embarrassed but was glad, I didn't think or was rather scared to date because what if I didn't work out so I was content with her presence and company, a few days later the friend I had told was grinning for some time, when the girl I had a crush on sat next to me she started paving a road of words which were leading to one destination "I know you like me"

I panicked and was scared, apart of me doesn't fully understand why but before she could say what she felt I covered my ears and made noise so that i couldn't hear, after a while our friendship collapsed and we went to different schools, I was mortified. 

Ever since then I haven't felt "right",  years passed and I've even dated other people but I can't forget her, what I felt with her I've never felt again, things have just steadily gone down hill mentally and everyday I'm stuck in that classroom next to her and when I snap out out of it I'm always on the verge of a breakdown, I think in my life that might have been a crossroad and I chose wrong now I'm living out the bad ending, I think there are people like me in life, the unfortunate who are just Ment to be sad forever, that one instance wasn't the cause of my mental decline but one of the most notable misfortunes I've ever had. Being sad feels more comfortable than being happy and that horrifies me.

~IBLIS