"Look what I did!"

How am I or anyone else for that matter ever meant to find any sense of stability in a world so cosmically dead set on ripping itself to shreds to the point that I often find the "happiest" people I know can only find solace in nihilism because to them getting to free themselves from expectation and obligation is apparently the only way to cope with an existence that beats you into the fucking ground for trying to get up

If the only way I can reach normalcy is to abandon the aspects of my character that give connections any meaning then what on gods earth is the point?

Art?

Sure anyone's an artist and art can give anyone purpose but if purpose is met with instability that always seems to lean towards the side of collapse then why maintain it? 

I can work, practice and write but then what does that build towards if not just nothing?

If I spend my time chasing and working towards "purpose" then I still can't call that stability because it isn't, is it?  Just compounding satisfaction that will still leave me unsure and dissatisfied.

Unless what we call stability is the promise of fulfilled entropy towards a checklist of "look what I did! Look what I spent my time doing!" And if that's the case do I even want stability? 

If not then what else is there to want? 

Connection?

Understanding? 

Ironically Nihilistic rants from underqualified teenagers on obsolete platforms?

References to charmingly niche graphic novels?

Witty closing remarks have been replaced by massive head trauma and severe hemorrhaging.