Strawberry Rhubarb Jam Recipe I Am Currently Obsessed With (Shared In the Form of An Odd Infomercial)

*Camera pans to Paid Actor Posing as Unfortunate Soul buried in an excess of strawberries and violently weeping*

*TV Salesmen Voice (A la Caine from TDC)*: "Are you tired of having too many strawberries?"

*Paid Actor Posing as Unfortunate Soul*: *sniffle* "Yes, yes I am!"

*TV Salesmen Voice* (A la Caine from TDC): "Did you recently go to a farmstand and picked an ungodly amount of strawberries?"

*Paid Actor Posing as Unfortunate Soul*: "Yes, yes I did!"

*TV Salesmen Voice*: "Are those strawberries now sitting on your table causing you to be disgusted by your strawberry greed and leaving you panicking on how to use them all up before they rot?"


(Also idk why this photo is blurry like that lol!)

*Paid Actor Posing as Unfortunate Soul*: "Yes, yes they are!"

*TV Salesmen Voice*: "Never fear! I have just the thing for you! Introducing this wonderful recipe for strawberry rhubarb chia seed jam I found online! It has chia seeds to add extra fiber, protein, and good fats to your diet, and is sweetened with maple syrup to make healthier than regular strawberry jam! You can use them on both toast and pancakes! Yes! You can use them on both toast and pancakes!"





*Disgruntled Grandma pops out of the strawberry pile just as TV Salesman Voice is finishing*

*Disgruntled Grandma*: "Bah! Maple syrup is just as sugary as regular sugar! Just use my pectin and botulism!"

*TV Salesmen Voice*: "Ah ah ah! You didn't let me finish there Grandma! If you want something healthier than maple syrup *mumbles* (or you don't like pure maple syrup like some FREAK!) *clears throat* You can just replace that bad boy with some sugar free applesauce! It'll taste just as sweet!"

 
*Paid Actor Posing as Unfortunate Soul*: "Wow!"

*Disgruntled Grandma*: *A little less disgruntled* "Alright, now I'm impressed sonny boy! I will have to try some of that jam!"

*TV Salesmen Voice*: "But wait! There's more!"

*Paid Actor Posing as Unfortunate Soul & Disgruntled Grandma*: "MORE?!?!?!?!"

*TV Salesmen Voice*: "This recipe is not limited to strawberries, but can be used with other berries! Blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and even gooseberries if you are adventurous enough!"

*Sped up disclaimer voice*: "ThisclaimhasnotbeentestedorverifiedbythexXGracieGhostXxcompanybutappearsfeasiblebecauseofthenatureofthisrecipe."

*Paid Actor Posing as Unfortunate Soul*: "Wow! Now I'm going to make some delicious jelly!"

*Disgruntled Grandma*: "You mean jam, jam has a very different definition! You see, jelly is made from the juice of the fruit or berry while jam is made from the..."

*Music and TV Salesmen Voice drown out the remaining wisdom of Disgruntled Grandma*


*TV Salesmen Voice": "Hurry now and make your jam today while your bounty of strawberries last! You will not regret this! Strawberry Rhubarb Chia Seed Jam, the best berry jam for when you are in a berry jam!"

*Sped up disclaimer voice*: "Thisreciperequiresastoveformakingsocookwithcare.xXGracieGhostXxisnotresponsibleforanyburns,choking,suddenadversiontoallotherberreis,blindnesscausedbythepureawesomenessofstrawberryrhubarbchiaseedjam,spontaneouscombustion,constipationfromtoomuchtoastandjam,dizziness,shortnessofbreath,uncontrolabledancing,toothaches,orevendeath.Ifsymptomssuchasstrawberrywithdrawls,wearingoveralls,ormeowingoccur,pleaseconsultahealthcareprofessionalimmediately."