˚₊‧꒰ა post-hiatus clarinet chronicles ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

this entry will explore a raw passion of mine. i want to discuss my relationship with music-making and orchestra. excuse the bluntness and please, check my other blogs for theatrics or warmness. but this entry is more for myself. accountability. or a call that i hope might be heard.

anyway...

i started playing in bands in either fourth or fifth grade. i started with the clarinet. come eighth grade, i was playing the bass clarinet. that year, i auditioned (on clarinet) for an arts high school in the city which my family was planning to move to.

i was accepted. after band camp, i earned a spot as the first chair clarinet (aka concert master) of the ensemble i was placed in.

through my private teacher and the conductor at my school, i auditioned for and participated in several community ensembles. i earned places in both disrtict and regional honor bands of the city my freshman year. i was also recruited to the school's clarinet choir where i was one of two freshman. we scored a first at solo and ensemble that year (i think my solo scored a second).

(you have to understand... i was killing myself over the clarinet. all day and night i played long tones, chromatic scales, for hours and hours at a time with a metronome and tuner. at lunch i'd go to a practice room, between the close of school and start of orchestra i'd go to a practice room, after and before dinner at home i'd be upstairs practicing. it was torture. but i really just wanted to be proud of myself and have others be proud and recognize me. think whiplash)

by the end of my freshman year i caught the saxophone fever. i began to play the tenor saxophone for a jazz orchestra and saxophone ensembles (once, we performed at the NASA convention). when i moved from the arts school (this haunts me) in the middle of my sophomore year, i joined my new school's band on tenor saxophone.

my tenure ended absurdly prematurely. i walked away from music at the end of my junior year. my new school was so uninspired, it hurt me. it was better to give up.

i'll kick myself in the face for the rest of my life for this. but, starting today, i'll be doing it as i run long tones.

i have offered myself up to some children in my neighborhood who want to learn the clarinet. i finally have a reason, and an urgent one, to pick my clarinet up again. (which i have)

i want to start a friends-only diary/journal blog series here to track this. i don't expect it to be read nor to start a conversation, but what i do hope is this: i hope you might feel a little bit of inspiration to rediscover your passions and reignite your first loves.

xoxo,

headfirstfourhalos