Personal Blog #2 (6/18/25)

How my day went, as far as work

I admittedly stayed up until 3:47 in the morning last night and still managed to wake up at almost 7:30 in the morning. So really only like 4 hours of sleep (which could be worse to be honest). But I just felt so much dread, I only talked a little bit to a friend of mine about some shit then I stopped talking for solid while. I felt so much mental ache, it hurt so much to get up. Even my Nana seemed to notice. Whenever we were in the truck driving me to work, she asked me if something was wrong and asked if I was gonna talk to her. And I didn’t say a word, it hurt so much to start talking because I didn’t wanna just start crying right before work and right in front of her too. It’s too much for her to even explain how much I feel. 

The first hour or two was just me being depressed and not saying a lot at work besides talking to customers. It ached so bad to say anything. On top of that I kept listening to Enchanted (yes the one by Taylor Swift), which always makes me really upset. That song is one of the many reasons why I hate love so much. I’m just glad there wasn’t much intervention when it came to that. After a little bit longer, I ate my sandwich my Nana gave me and it made me feel a little better (food had always been a comfort for me. No arguments from it, am I right?). I managed to distract myself with my work and have some coffee, again food makes me feel better. 

I then of course just got home. I will be going on Vrchat very soon. As soon as I change clothes. 

My Inner demons 

Today like the past few days has been just aching. I felt my heart sink, I felt myself wanting to cry again. I had a mental breakdown yesterday in front of one of my friends. It’s still hard to explain things properly without breaking down or mixing up my words. It hurts, but I know it did this to myself (I’ll go into some detail soon enough but I’ll spare you for now). I admittedly started smoking more cigarettes just to distract myself and numb things out. I wanted the fire to touch my skin and the smoke to drown inside my lungs, I couldn’t care less at this point. Just something to make me feel less. Something to make cry less. 

Vrchat (Yes, good ol’ chaotic virtual reality)

Vrchat (the one platform a lot of people hate because of all the drama and p3d0phil3s (and pr3ds). One of the many reasons why I still go on it as much anymore as I used to. It’s just not as fun anymore. On top of that, it’s been the platform I’ve been most hurt on. It still hurts to relive all the memories sometimes, making me yearn for something more than just temporarily happiness. 

I’ll eventually talk more about it another time. That’s all I will go into for now. I will update you on more details later on. 

I hope y’all have a good one.