Random and Unmotivated

I just got hit with several different emotions at the same time. All I was doing is sitting around, playing Tetris and watching tv and suddenly...I just get really angry. Then I get kinda sad. Then I get this feeling like I wanna hunt people I dont like down, and beat the shit out of them.

Why the hell do I find so many things stupid and annoying when I dont do much but sit around, talk about wrestling, yell out random things and think about random ass things when I'm alone for a long time. I was hoping Gary wanted to stay the night so I wouldnt be sitting around here by myself asking myself the same questions I ask myself every night.

Will the wrestling thing Juan has faith in EVER start up around here? Will the people in charge accept my character idea? When am I going to get my damn car back, why dont I love anyone, why CANT I love anyone or anything even tho I try to?

I must be broken or something. I think I know why my favorite colors grey. I'm grey. I dont care what happens to me, I dont care if I go anywhere, how much money I get, HOW I get it...I completely forgot I was writing a book until now, or that I could try and make a CD with Count Down or do SOMETHING.

I hate being creative as hell but no matter how much support I get from people and no matter how many people like my ideas and want to see them come to life...I cant get up and finish what I start.

I want to be a professional wrestler, an undercover agent, a lawyer, a cartoonist, a director, a writer, an actor, singer...all kinds of things...I just for some reason cannot get out of Meijer, get out of this house and get out of my...mental sloth straps. Holding me down and telling me "Its cool, no need to do anything...just bitch about it in a blog or something and perhaps someone will read it and tell you something so moving that you will actually see the light and go in the right direction."

No disrespect to anyone, but I cant see it happening. I've been told a lot of things by a lot of people and here I am. Working at Meijer...sitting at home alone...with little to no emotions about anyone or anything.

I dont think I desire anything either...At Brian's party all these girls were dancing around, doing all kinds of stuff partially clothed...and all I felt like doing while in such an environment was sitting around, playing gameboy and lying to people I dont know about things.

Thats another thing wrong with me...I have like, an obsession with lying and making shit up just to see if people believe it or not. I will go to any length to make some random story sound believable and when I'm finished I'm like "What was the point in that?"

I just dont and cant care about a lot and I need to figure something out before I drown in my own laziness and unmotivation.