The Meijer Mascot

 was outside right, and I was supposed to be gettin those there carts and I didnt wanna. So then I start talkin to Juan whos outside on his break talkin to me. I had my eye on the door makin sure Deb,.the lady in charge, didnt catch me.

Juan was talkin to me about this and that and so forth when suddenly I hear her screamin from the other side of the building. I'm like "FUCK, she catches me doing nothing too much...she must be eliminated..." Juan hurried up and went back in and she was like "Why are you talkin to Juan!?"

I look at her with a straight face and I'm like "DEB! Oh my god...Juan was CRYING!"
"Oh suuuuure!"
"He was! He was crying about some girl, and something about Chad. It was weird!"
"...Well thats it right there! Of course its a girl!"
"I know! He was really down, I HAD to talk to him. I barely know the guy and he comes to ME for help. I didnt wanna look like a douche or nothing..."
"Well...just uh...do the garbage or something..."

Then she wanders off and I'm like "....Did she believe that!?" I was completely serious the whole time so I didnt know. Perhaps she just doesnt care anymore that I dont do much outside. I make up for the lack of work by bringing life to the store and all the workers though. BIG TIME!

I'm the fuckin Meijer mascot yo. Dont know if I should be proud, dont know if I care, but its funny leaping around and flexin my muscles at work and not givin a shit if people see me. I'm having fun and digging myself out of a hole and thats all that matters.

BUT YEAH. I told Juan what I did before he seen Deb again and he started rubbin his eyes and made it look like he cried and he was actin all sad around her and I'm like "You sure you're okay dude?" LOL! He was like "Thanks for makin me look like a sissy!" but I said I would use my awesome liar powers to help him anytime he needs to make up for it.

I even told my boss Irma what I did. Its awesome when you can joke to your boss about a joke you played on the person they're in charge of to get out of trouble for not working. Don't you think my boss WANTS me to work? Maaaan.