My Testimony

Leviticus 19:31- ‘Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God.'

I was born in a Christian family but I never understood yk? Like when I was at church I would see everyone fainting because of the Lord, and hearing His word and I couldn’t. So I was just like, what am I doing wrong?? So I would give Him ultimatums like, “if you do this, then I will believe in you.” And that’s just toxic. And since he never answered me I was like , well this is just bs. 

And from then I would listen to so many atheists’ lies. I started to follow witchcraft. I had tarot cards, incense, crystals, and I would worship other Gods because I wanted that love from a god but I refused to go back to “the fake cult.” I followed and prayed to greek gods and made shrines and sigils for them and everything.

I went to buhhdism to hinduism, to even trying to follow Japanese gods. Something, anything. I wanted a connection with God so bad, but I guess the representation from other “christians” pushed me away. So I just got deeper into anything else and ended up believing I WAS A GOD??? I got into shifting realities. That was a mess in itself. The desire to leave everything behind and become a whole new person by just listening to subliminals and going to sleep felt too easy. I wanted to escape and that threw me deeper into depression and insecurity. Why couldn’t I shift? Why is nothing im doing fixing this emptiness?

And then one day, everything came into place to bring me back to the Lord. I had been feeling like I needed to get closer to my religious family for a while so I decided to go to a trip to South Carolina with them. They weren’t even going to ask me because I would usually say no, but they did. Which is crazy because I know God put something in their hearts to invite me anyway, knowing I would say yes.

 during that trip they were listening to gospel and services, then my Grandma asked me if I was going to church. I said no and wanted them to stop asking because I thought of them as crazy Christians. But I gave them a chance and they told me about Judgment day and all of that.  Which honestly at first scared. I will admit, it only worked on my because I was and still am scared of death, so knowing that when I die I’d go to hell was convincing. (During my whole spiritual hunt I believed that God and Jesus existed and if heaven did exist, just believing in him would get me there. Boy was I wrong)

My grandma gave me a study Bible (that I am still using and filling up) and I was like “alright let me give this a chance.” And when I actually started reading the Bible I was like *wow.* And I had just felt so much love and happiness and I talked to God and apologized for being toxic and not putting effort into our relationship. And thats how I got here 

I felt like that weekend was so meticulously planned because If I hadn’t felt like getting closer with my fam, I wouldn’t have gone on that trip and gotten my Bible. If they hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t have gone on that trip, and been asked about God. Like He’s so amazing it makes me cry because I hated Him all of my life and He still never gave up on me.

I obviously still make mistakes and fall into sin, but He is still passionate about me and loves me with all His heart. He could have given up on me but He sins and I thank Him for giving me another chance.

1 John 4:8 - Whoever does not know love does not know God, because God is love.