Despair.

It's horrible to know that even if you get up, no one is going to hug you, That no one really likes you, and you wait and wait, and it doesn't come, just rotting away more and more each day, and knowing that there's no one.

 Living in a rural area doesn't make things better; on the contrary, it makes them worse. There's no variety or choice here. You're either part of the group or you're nothing and you're left out...I have preferred to stay away, and I will not change my decision, but it hurts not to feel loved. 

I'll get out of here as soon as I can... But the lack of love I think is killing me