look in the little things for me

I have found the love that you can only find in the grime under your fingertips mixed with dirt and sweat you pick out as the desperation fills the room, the love that danced with the smoke in the air of your first blunt, the one you panicked holding and breathed in wrong, the love only found behind you favorite poster hidden from the dust and scenes of a teenage failure. And the love caused me to find love in it all, I found love in the backseat of a 2011 ford fusion, in the summer sweaty and panting phone dead and purpose forgotten, in the ashtray by the bed, the speakers that blare the lies of the past, the curtains which the pleas and begging seeped into and now full spit it back out at me, in bathroom drawers and hallway closets I can never find a propose for, we were alike in that way. but you never felt it like I did, where I saw leaves falling slowly painting the lawn with the colors of fall, you saw a chore. 

I’m sad you didn’t find love anywhere when for me it was everywhere and the ghost of the love lingers. Your gone but I still find love hiding in the fold of my books, in my pillowcases you had laid with me on and told me the things I needed to hear, in the broken lightbulb in the string of lights, in the shake of old calling fans and the soft haze that reflects around the room that cast a soft haze in the room. The haze that bathed us both, that I stared at you in and thought of all this love and you muttered the words “I should’ve said no to you”