puberty ruined my life! (sort of)

hi guys 

how has everyone been? good okay cheers nice guys!

anyways i was just looking at pics of myself from when i was like a toddler and im just thinking like puberty seriously ruined my life. like not in a “omg in impure bla blah” way but like the way that i look and sort of what i have turns into honestly disgusts me! like i was such a beautiful baby and i honestly feel like if i didn’t hit puberty so early and if i didn’t listen to all the bullshit ppl told me abt myself when i was young i could’ve become probably the best version of myself. my skin was clear my hair was beautiful i was happy but as i got older ppl felt the need to call little me fat and annoying and all the bad things so i grew up thinking i needed to change but looking back now there seriously was nothing wrong with me.

for example when i was like 9 ish i genuinely thought i was fat. like disgustingly fat. but i now look at pictures of myself from back then and i literally wasn’t?! like compared to now aswell ugh! and i tried everything to get skinny but now im just as fat (ik im obviously gonna gain weight as i grow) but its not like what i naturally would’ve been its bc i let the comments get to me then i just gave up and let myself go. which i so annoying aswell bc my mum used to call me fat and be so obsessive abt my weight and what i ate but now when i actually have a problem she doesn’t care (and im not blaming her and i dont want her to do what she used to do but yk) 

its just so frustrating bc why was i complaining abt my life?! i had an alright life i was thriving and i let my own problems and stupidity ruin myself. i just wish that i atleast could’ve seen what i could’ve become but i never even got the chance bc my innocence and complete blindness to the world we live was introduced and made apparent to me so early in my life!

like i was fucking depressed at 7! this shouldn’t be happening what the eff!! i’m actually pissed abt it tbh! like fuck i was so beautiful as a kid i was just perfect and now im just like mourning her. knowing how stupid that sounds but i am. and i wonder what i would’ve looked for acted like if i really was like my younger self now though im not sure if it would be a good or bad thing!? bc i’ve changed sooo much but completely doubt its for the good! sigh

so yeah rant over for now! just wanted to explain my feeling of nostalgia currently happening bc i just miss the old me (im aware how corny that sounds but idc!) 

anyways baii!!

-jenster