day 35, week 5 (talk of sa)

i didn’t write last week simply cause i just didn’t feel like it. happy father’s day btw!! anyway life’s been alright i hung out with my friends a few times either at their house or at the mall. i finally dyed my hair my friend did it and they did a really good job its purple with a bright green swirl it came out so good. i also saw the how to train your dragon movie with my other friend that was also really fun the movie was good which is reliving because how to train your dragon is one of my favorite things ever. i went to a no kings protest yesterday with my dad not a lot of people showed up to the area about, only like 200 people but it was still good i was glad to be there because i am honestly completely tired and fed up with trump i never wanted him to be president cause this is exactly what i was scared of. he’s becoming a fascist dictator, he’s repeating history demonizing a minority and discriminating against them (by mass deportation). what’s next it hasn’t even been a year into his presidency. undocumented migrants shouldn’t even be illegal, yes we should do something about them like get them documented but making it illegal means they can go to trial for that i think if they’re actually doing something illegal like organized crime, murder, rape, etc. they should be tried for that not being an undocumented migrant. anyway moving on from america’s political climate, life hasn’t been terrible but there have been some moments. i don’t know why now just has to be the time, but i’ve finally realized what i went through with my first ex wasnt borderline it was actually sexual assualt. i always wanted to excuse it cause i was scared i would invalidate other people’s experiences, but when a year later and i still feel gross from thinking about how they would touch me when i asked them several time to not and they forcefully made out with me and told me “i liked it” when i clearly didn’t. it was sa and writing it down and actually talking about it helps me. its been bothering me more and more when they would do things like that they would talk to me like i was a pet, like a dog so now when i hear anyone talk to their dogs it makes me so uncomfortable because it just brings back everything. that like baby voice people use i do it too theres nothing wrong with it but hearing it feom other people or even myself makes me cringe and uncomfortable. but to top it all off what made me freak out more was the fact that they viewed my insta story. i don’t know why they did i dont follow them i removed them as a follower and yet that one day something inspired them to look up my account and look at it. i wouldn’t care as much if it was any other person but it’s not, it’s them. and on top of all that my other ex the one who basically just gave up because i was “too much” keeps messaging me randomly and liking my posts and it’s just weird because they know im atill lost and confused about everything they never gave me actual closure on anything. they aren’t even check ins there just random things like “oh your going to the protest?” when i posted on my story abt it several times ans i saw they viewed it. like i don’t want to talk to them unless they actually try and talk about ans explain what happened. but yeah it was an interesting week i must say.