my experience with being aroace

this is kind of more of a rant post whoops

for some reason this was like one of the top things that came to mind when thinking about things to write for a blog sooooo....

I wanted to share my thoughts/ and or experience on this topic just to get them out here I suppose, but maybe also just to express how I feel and maybe others might feel the same. I've been thinking about how I feel identifying as aroace, and like how I sort of feel separated from society and what not, along with some other things too. It's been quite a confusing journey trying to figure out my sexuality over the past 7, almost 8 years and even still I don't fully know. But I do feel like aromanticism and asexuality (although me discovering i'm ace was more recent and difficult for me) has resonated with me the most and for the longest time ever since I discovered the label for how I felt. I think now I'm definitely more certain about it, compared to the past recent years. I used to just try to avoid it all together, not wanting to think about it until I'm older but, well, my feelings became unavoidable and very obvious at a certain point andddd I had no other choice but to face it. I'm not trying to say that I felt bad things about being aroace or anything like that, as I do feel comfortable with the label, but sometimes I kinda do feel insecure about it every now and then because how I've seen people treat people who are aroace, asexual or aromantic on their own. Along with my own experience seeing what others think about it. I feel like a lot of people who don't identify with it or who don't know much about it tend to misunderstand others who do identify with one or both of these labels. Like I've heard multiple stories about how people have been judged and looked at weirdly because they mentioned how they identify with it. Though I'll admit there definitely has been some improvement in terms of accepting these sexualities, as well as more awareness on the topic of it and representation, and I've come across more people who identify who identify with these labels (though mostly online). However, even so I still feel like aromanticism and asexuality aren't put out there as much as other sexualities or identities are. As a small example it's sort of hard to find things with the aro or ace flag on them, whether it's looking for something as a decoration online or irl. I think one of the most difficult parts of being aroace for me is navigating relationships? Not really sure how to describe it, but as someone who is aroace and would possibly be willing to have a partner in the future/ wouldn't exactly mind dating someone I feel like it would be difficult to find someone who is either aroace themselves (queerplatonic relationship) aro or ace or just someone who understands that part of me, you know? I wouldn't exactly mind any of those options as long as the person is understanding of me and my boundaries of course. But it kinda just sucks what I might have to go through, I guess. I don't know if I'll ever come out to anyone I know irl, or at least directly because of the reasons listed above and just because how I feel doing so, if that makes sense. Aahh maybe that's just because I'm a very private person at least more so irl and struggle to express how I feel, I dunno. 

I felt kinda bad posting this during Pride Month at first, since I know its something that should be celebratory obviously, but I realized it's important to talk about experiences with being in the queer community and stuff like that. Happy pride <3.