staying human

english 12 final project - 'censure, and how it impedes on expression and creativity'

a few weeks ago, i walked into a free arts exhibition hosted at our local convention center. i spent my time looking around at other peoples works and lifelines; as an artist myself, i was excited to see the creativity of our community. most of the works were paintings done in oil, but there were also some sculptures and even a few charcoal drawings. i paused at each work i passed, reading the title and creators name on a small panel below.

as i wandered around, i began to feel that something was off though. i knew that every piece was technically 'different', but they all seemed the same. Mother Mary to Guernica master copies, you'd see the same thing under laying each brushstroke. what it was, i couldn't tell you. i looked into Marys eyes and tried to feel what the artist felt, but i may as well have been staring at the wall. every part of her was so perfect, not a detail missed. the painting was unreal.

the next day, i tried to submit some of my own work to the exhibition. it was an acrylic painting i had spent weeks on, pouring myself into each and every detail. it had no purpose just sitting there in my room---it'd only be complete once others saw it. the organizer rejected it immediately, no reasons given.

the day after that, i submitted an old master copy of Starry Night done in water colours. they paused, then handed it back. watercolour wasn't considered professional enough.

on the last day, i tired to submit something from my art class. my teacher had called it a 'portfolio piece'. it was a study of a flower vase done in oils, one of our first lessons from the year. i didn't much care for it---i thought it was boring and fairly lifeless. it reflected none of me or who i am as an artist. the organizer rejected me a final time, but first asked "which school did you go to?"

"the community college," i said.

"and how long have you been painting?" 

"about five years now, if you count highschool art class."

the organizer paused after that. she looked back down at the painting, and made some sort of face. it reminded me of looking into Marys eyes. "out of all the other pieces you've shown me, id say that this is the best one. it perfectly fits what it means to be an artist; which is what we're trying to demonstrate here. but you need to practice more first. get rid of those previous ideas you had about art. creativity, freedom, expression... they may seem essential, but professional artists have discovered that this just gets in the way of perfection. it gets in the way of what art is really meant to be."

she paused again, then asked: "what's perfection to you?"

"...perfection is imperfect," i replied. "it's to create things authentically."

she handed me back the painting. "then just stick to online forums for now. you have a long way to go."