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I'm currently a female and love being one, but I've kind of recently wanted to be a man I guess? I don't want to be genderfluid, I want to either be exactly like a woman or exactly like a man. Switching between the two feels super uncomfortable to me. At one moment, i'll grow out my hair and dress up in a dress, then the next i'll see a TikTok video about a trans man start to finish on testosterone and start longing to be a guy. I love having a girly voice and being a girly girl, but i'll stare at myself in the mirror for a few minutes and think about what it's like to be a guy. The thing is, if you take testosterone, you can't go back, so if i suddenly want to be a girl again, it's out of the question. I'm a little tired so I can't go into detail about this feeling right now, but I need advice.
I need advice from people with experience with gender dysphoria or smth
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Hats 9999
When I first started questioning my gender, I felt the same as you; sometimes felt that I wanted to be a man, but other time felt fine as a woman. This may not be helpful, but instead of focusing on if you experience gender dysphoria, try to see if you experience any gender euphoria when referred to with any form of gendered terms, because although lots of trans people do experience dysphoria, not every trans person does, and the most "telling sign" can be euphoria.
And also, to help figure yourself out, I'd recommend researching lots of different gender identities, because at first, I thought I could be trans, but I always knew I wasn't "fully" trans, but then I found genders like demiboy and paraboy, which I more closely related to. Also always remember that non-binary is an option, because it isn't just "in the middle between male and female" nor is it just "not male and not female", you can like feminine terms but more closely relate to male genders.
And hair + clothes have no gender, so no matter how you look on the outside can always be different :] liking long hair, dresses, more feminine activities is completely separate from your gender.
<*++-く
As of now i have been out for about 4-5 years, and I was kind of young when I came out so I don't really remember much. When I was a kid I was extremely girly and obsessed with unicorns, rainbows, pink, and all that stuff lol. I kind of figured it out when I was in a restaurant when I was in about 4th grade(?) and a waitress mistook me for a boy. I also had a really hard time when I was going through puberty and having to shop for things like bras. I couldn't explain it well but it just felt like I hated it and everything about it. If I were you I would "stalk" ftm communities and see if you can relate to any of them at all. I am not trying to push any sort of trans ideal onto you but I'm just trying to give you some ideas. Plus, there's nothing wrong with being unsure, you don't have to know exactly what you are or feel like youre on the clock. I still don't know what I am. Also, don't feel bad about thinking you are and then realizing youre not. I know several people that have detreansitioned and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Don't feel like it is mocking the trans community. This is just a me thing, so feel free to ignore this if you want. I don't know how old you are but I would consider your future before taking testosterone. Do you want to have kids? Will you be able to cover the expenses? Will this affect things in the longrun? It is great to start testosterone, but because of these factors I have not yet.
Good luck! I wish you well!! Sorry this is so long lmaoo. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about anything else
Thank you sm! You don't know how much that helped.
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I'm glad!! If you ever want to talk or anything feel free :) I hope you have a good night(??) Idk im assuming cause you said youre tired lol
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