reclaiming my fandom peace

fandom is a third place for lots of people. a home. i always thought of it as my own third place, ever since i was a kid trolling gaiaonline and livejournal. things change, and fandom has migrated from place to place with, yes, growing pains, but nothing we can't weather.

however, the social media age and resulting degradation of anonymity has made fandom experiences... tough, to say the least. i, myself, would say i was in a pretty toxic relationship with fandom during the early 2020's. mind you, i had it better than most. my natural introversion kept me out of a lot of stuff, but i still had to stand by and watch as a lot of shit got thrown around. 

it became constant. callout posts over innocuous shit. unnecessary, tiresome discourse. anti-social and anti-community behavior. puritanical policing and conservatism pushing its way into fandoms that'd been on the fringes. so, so much fighting. awful behavior. weird, money grabs. scamming. the list goes on. 

like everything else, i've watched fandom rise and fall, thrive and be forced out of spaces, thrive again - and in the late 2010's / early 2020's i watched it begin to rot.

for a while, i just accepted it with resignation. i would do breaks and cleanses. i used my block buttons liberally and avoided apps, comments sections - i avoided the fandom. the people i was trying to connect with. even then, though, i couldn't avoid all of the BS. algorithms pushed inflammatory content into my face, and it also pushed opinions, thoughts, and posts i made to share with my friends to unintended audiences.

but around spring of 2024, last year as of writing this, i was kind of over it and was like okay. what's going on. what can i do about this?

(as a tangent, if your intention is to make a living wage off of fandom stuff, the tips on finding peace might apply - the reality is that if you realllly want to sell your work it does mean you will have to be visible and scrub some of your genuine self. i encourage folks like this to have personal accounts away from their hustle)

0: gotta work

the steps i took - and continue to take - aren't easy. that isn't to say it's back-breaking work, but when you're used to constant, reliable dopamine, noisy novelty, and crowded spaces, peeling away from that is work. in comparison, normalcy can feel "dead" - because, let's face it, normal social media is not that fast and normal tech is not as smooth or robust. 

this is normal. this is good (in my opinion). the expectation that any space you enter should immediately be bursting with people and polished until it shines like chrome is not realistic.

you need to put effort into making a good experience for yourself, and in an algorithm world, even that small amount of effort is enough to put people off.

1: block block block 

blocking is a curation tool. something i've noticed - especially among younger folk - is that people think of blocking as something inherently offensive. if you've blocked someone or been blocked it's because of something heinous. 

blocking seems obvious yet so many people hesitate to do it out of fear of isolating people, isolating themselves, seeming rude or seeming "extreme". i'm here to tell you, no, it's not. 

luckily i never felt guilty about blocking, but for people who do i highly recommend reframing your thought about blocking. someone does not have to offend you to be blocked, they don't have to do anything. you don't owe random internet strangers your eyeballs, or your brain power, or even that fraction of a second it takes to read their post. you don't. you can block someone for liking pineapple on pizza. if you don't want to see that kind of stuff in your feeds, then why subject yourself to it? do you think pineapple pizza lover really cares?

and if they did care - if some random stranger who has 0 connection to you whatsoever and loves pineapple pizza gets offended by you blocking... why should it matter?

just block dude.

2: find your tribe

people have an obsession with branding themselves, being a "known" account or somehow notable in fandom. as a result, a looot of folks swallow their teeth, self-censor, or align with whatever the masses say regardless of whether it reflects how they feel. boo.

there's a version of this post that goes around that's basically like "the best version of fandom is you and your 3 friends who scream about the same thing". paraphrasing. but that's honestly so true.

that isn't to say you should just shun the entire rest of your fandom, but remember like not everyone has to be your bff. liking the same shit does not MEAN you're likeminded with others in the fandom.

just think of it like this: whose opinion matters to you? does it really benefit you to see or know or engage with the opinion of 100 strangers? what about 1000 strangers? why does their opinion matter?

is it benefitting you to be with that many folks? in 100 discord servers you mute immediately?

3: touch grass

it sounds obvious but like seriously. touch grass. going outside, doing things outside the online fandom bubble, helps put into perspective how little a lot of that shit matters. the beauty is, you dont necessarily have to leave fandom entirely!

engaging with fandom in-person is magical, and people are just way nicer. 

doing not fandom things is even better because it reallllly humbles you fast and makes you remember how stupid shit is. like imagine going outside and saying, out loud, the latest drama shitstorm happening in your fandom to a random person outside the fandom. they're probably gonna be like "that sounds insane but also stupid"

because it usually is insane and also stupid.

4: divest

this is probably the most complicated action you can take in reclaiming your peace, but it's definitely been crucial for me.

a lot of the worst aspects of modern fandom are heavily driven by the platforms where fandom lives. Algorithm platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter feed users posts based on engagement, good or bad. Algorithms end up showing you stuff from people you don't follow, people you don't deliberately make the choice of seeing.

the pushing of "high interaction" stuff means that deliberate ragebait spreads like wildfire with ease. even if you do all of the right things - block, mute, unfollow - inevitably you're forced to see the most rancid takes on earth. and dunking on, educating, or correcting one of these bad takes just rewards the original poster.

even if you don't engage with the posts, if enough of your friends do - or enough people in general - it will clog your feeds.

and the algorithms and apps are constantly changing. while we can attempt to curate and game the ever-changing systems of these platforms, i genuinely think the best option here is to divest from them completely.

this is one of the most challenging things to do because building a community without algorithm assistance is hard. you have to put yourself out there, you have to actively search and dig and try to find people. and if you don't, you gotta be the one to start stuff and bring people with you.

you're not going to get the same numbers on bluesky or red note that you would on twitter or tiktok. but the outcome is worth the sacrifice. because honestly why do likes matter if nobody's going to talk to you? or have nice things to say?

5: get over yourself

seriously. get over yourself.

fandom is a community.

it's not about you. you are not the main character. you do not need to be e-famous.

if you find your confidence - as a person or as like an artist or writer - is linked to engagement with your social media posts - and that's not your job - calm down. i'm gonna tell you right now, it really doesn't mean anything. it will not make you happier, it's empty soul calories. that dopamine hit is fleeting and will never fulfill you the way genuine connections do.

i've seen incredible artists with like a dozen likes. that doesn't mean their art wasn't amazing. and a lot of the most liked, popular stuff out there isn't necessarily because it's the most impressive or technically difficult or even unique. i've watched awesome youtube videos with like five thousand views whereas mr beast gets like millions.

it doesn't mean a thing. and that's for folks who make stuff. if you don't?

once again, from my personal experience: i hustled, and tried so hard to like be a big name in the fandom space and honestly? that's literally so embarrassing of me. and i found that when i failed at that, i felt awful about myself. like, probably some of my worst, lowest times. because my self worth was tied to like my online fandom presence, and the engagement and recognition that got me.

i think people fall into that without even realizing it. as a result they become very like sensitive to the goings on, the happenings online. and they're eager to like weigh in so they can get validation.

it's not that deep. and it's not about you. not like that.

you are not your fandom. you are not the media consume. you are not the fanfiction you read or the art that you like.

fandom is a part of you, it's a passion, and it takes some and responsibility to shape an experience that fulfils you.

but it is not you, and it does not revolve around you.

and i think, with a bit work, and possibly some reflection, maybe if you've lost sight of that, you can remember, and find peace again.

:｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆