Dating feels impossible (vent)

6/13/25

growing up me and family were always moving houses and i always had to move schools, so any time i made friends (which weren't many) i never really got close to them or anyone for that matter, so at one point i just stop trying to make friends cuz there was just no reason to if i was gonna move away in a few months. i carried that habit with me, never talking or whenever i talked i'd say it with as little words as possible, (my grandma calls me "the man of few words" cuz of it, i kinda like it tho) then covid hit, spent a few years locked in my room with just my phone and no one to talk to, so now i have the social skills of a rock on lsd, and that makes it kinda hard to date or get close to people enough to like them, i thought with time i'd get more social or something but it seems to be the opposite, right now i feel the loneliest i've ever been, i have friends but only 2 that i feel close enough to talk to on a daily bases. after i fucked up a possible relationship a few months back, i feel like maybe there's a reason why i've never even kissed a girl before. i can't blame all my loneliness on just anxiety tho, i admit sometimes i have self sabotage myself from relationships like once about 2 years ago i had a huge crush on someone but i told myself "if they reject me its gonna hurt more than if i say nothing" i did it to "protect" myself from rejection, and looking back i want to say i would've done something different but i doubt it.