Red String of Fate pt. 2

A deep bond has formed within me, but a child couldn’t understand what kind of bond is this deep. Childhood is carefree, playful, and mostly innocent with a touch of mischief. Childhood was easy for me (except for my constant struggles with math and science).  

The first time I’ve ever felt this strange feeling was sitting across the person who I’ve shared the bond with. It’s hard to determine if it really was a bond or if I’m just crazy. This bond is something I could never physically show or prove. I’ve always been a practical person. I have to see something to believe it. I need proof, and the fact that I can’t provide proof of a deep feeling, the fact that deep emotions were triggered within me, it kills me that I can’t prove it. It feels like I’m delusional. Because you feel a certain way, does it make your feelings real? Many people have had their feelings invalidated.

I sat across this person for a few months during school and I never said a word to them. Why? Well I was a simple child with very complex feelings. 90’s childen should not have these deep feelings...they should be collecting Pokemon cards. I simply didn’t know how to handle them. 

I remember that I was once dubbed the “Connect Four Champion.”  Every morning in school, I was tutored by the Vice Principal (I honestly don’t know why the VP) because of my deficiency in math. At the end of each session, we would play Connect Four and I won against her many times. (Maybe she let me win...I really don’t know.) 

The person who I had deep feelings for challenged me to a few games of Connect Four. They won. Every. Single. Time. How? What happened?  I don’t know. I hardly said a word to this person until then. The whole time while playing the game, I wasn’t focused. The feelings inside me exploded. I was emotionally unstable. I was both nervous and excited. Happy and shy. It was hard for me to handle. But when they said “I beat the Champion of Connect Four!” I was both happy and sad to give them that title. 

I suppose the question, the lesson, the point of this blog is something about “Is seeing really believing?” How does a practical person who needs proof of things get into things such as astrology, tarot, oracle cards? It wasn’t easy, but it took a total rewiring of my brain. Three going on four years of rewiring. 

The other person who has the red string around their pinky attached to mine, I don’t even know if they know it. I don’t know if they are awake. And I don’t know if I’m delusional. But the deep feelings that I feel are still there. They are real to me. And they are the reason why I spent three years rewiring my head, analyzing my behavior. My feelings for them are the reason why I create what I create. The deep emotions triggered in me are the reasons why I try my best to help others and become a beacon of light. 

Is seeing believing? I think my creations are the proof that my feelings are real. As for an actual bond...there are somethings that are best left with things like fate, destiny. Maybe I’m better off without them this lifetime, or maybe I will have proof of a bond one day. 

What I do know is they have problems with confrontation and serious conversations. (I had difficulty of these things too sprouting from childhood  The “Connect Four” story was an example of communication problems I had.)If they can’t handle these, then I am truly better off. I can’t cut the red string, but I can keep learning to live with it and channel the energy productivity. 

This is how I cope with my Twin Flame separation.