🚨 i almost fought a pigeon today 🚨

posted June 12, 2025 – 3:07 PM

this is not a metaphor. this is not a drill. this is a pigeon-related trauma post.

so there i was. minding my business. walking down the street eating a perfectly mid sandwich (no offense to whoever invented plain tuna, but also… what was the reason??). anyway, i’m chewing in peace, vibing to music, probably looking mysterious and hot in a “she’s definitely overthinking something dumb” kind of way—

—and then BOOM.

a demon bird (disguised as a common pigeon) dive-bombs my head like it owed me rent money. not a lil flutter. not a friendly flap. it was WAR. this bird had BEEF. i ducked, screamed (with full vocals), and spun.

some old lady across the road clapped. i don’t know if it was supportive or sarcastic. i will be unpacking that for the rest of my life.

anyway. moral of the story:

1. pigeons have no god.

2. i will be seeking revenge.

3. i now identify as “flight-adjacent.”

also if anyone knows how to banish birds with vibes or crystals, hmu.
thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

— R, pigeon survivor 🕊️💥