ancestors as my guide (draft)

im scared of my neighbor. he has been giving me gifts like candy and cigarettes and letting me use his wifi. i hear him outside my window yelling at the pharmacy. 

accelerated familiarity

expectation

obligation

entitlement

fear of rejection

fear of retaliation

i hear him slam his door and rev his engine in the morning 

i keep my window open to hear the whore sing 

i feel a hiccup in my chest im clairvoyant

 another warning im courting 

the tension is sickening disgust in myself is thickening

lay my chest down to rest cough intentionally alerting

prowess

 i hear you i smell you i feel you nightly dirty i rip you your hem from your seams you cant say no to me i scream im clean you scrape the dirt im beneath me you will adore me shower me and floor me take your shirt off it bores me burn your underwear with chlorine

and i know my ancestors warned me about you the lighter stays lit and burns my fingertips i see my body limp and lifeless tucked in bloody water of merciless mess

i plant dressers in front of drawers i let my mess fester terror quarters

 neighborly invader 

i check my windows every night make sure theyre all locked tight until i miss the sweetness of the birds purrs in the morning i keep one window unlocked and you ruin my illusion with delusion and clear the phlegm out your throat