my angel, his devil

Im scared ok? Im scared. I’m scared you’ll see the new girl and you’ll like her more. Or maybe you’ll see me and realize, “I’ve been dating a horrific beast.” Or maybe both. Idc. I can’t control how you think. She’s taller, clean hair. Always smiling, quiet. A big chest, and I’m built like a straight line, and I know I joke about it and we laugh but I’m really fucking insecure about it. She has cute clothes, a pretty face, cool makeup. I wear stupid hoodies and I have my mom’s face, the face of a horrific monster. And I don’t wear makeup because it somehow makes me look worse I bet you even like my sister more. She has big boobs and looks like my dad, ofc she’s pretty. You said “bet” when you saw her. Sure you say bet to me all the time but do you really mean it? I’m sorry, I’m pathetic, I’m sorry. But she’s so goddamn pretty and idk what kind of idiot would choose ME over HER. Maybe a blind one. Hell, I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself, my hideous self, I can’t stare at my reflection in the mirror. you said I have a beautiful face and I told you lying is a sin. You asked why I couldn't just take a compliment and I said compliments are meant to be true. And you cried and pleaded and begged, “why don’t you love yourself?” because, my sweet angel, my sweet, precious one. You are mistaken. There is nothing about me to love

and you cusp my head in your hands, wrap your limbs around my body. I can feel your wings around me, they hold me. And you say:

“You are blind, not I.”