i'm just as invisible online as i am in real life yippeeeee!!!!

the great part abt spacehey, or just the internet in general is that people don't rlly gaf abt whatever the hell you're yapping abt - which is something i wish i learned sooner

when i was younger, i wanted to post stuff on tumblr, mostly my very underdeveloped art. but my dad strictly forbade me to be on there after he found out i was following pukicho (i'm not sure what his beef w pukicho was but honestly it was probably valid) so i turned to one of the only social media platforms i was allowed to be on - instagram! 

i created an instagram acc and posted a couple of drawings. i followed ALL of my friends and classmates at the time and had a humble amount of 120 followers at the peak of my acc. but 13 yr old me was STRESSING, i'd check my acc all the time. i'd also force myself to post things while also having to force myself to post "normal" stuff bc i did not want addison from my algebra class to know i drew haikyuu fanart. so the exciting new ig acc i had turned miserable and stressful REALLY quickly.

i've always craved the idea of having a double life of being well known in a niche online community while being completely anonymous and having none of my friends irl knowing and judging, a place where i could post and talk about my cringey interests without any of it being connected back to me. but everytime someone i knew followed my art accs, the little more my heart would break knowing i had to back to being the person i present myself in real life who had "normal" and "safe" interests. 

everywhere i go, i get so caught up in the idea of creating and fitting into the "right" image for myself, even in my own sketchbook, in which i used to only draw things i deemed were okay to show other people.

the same thing was happening to me on here, i would struggle to write a blog entry on space hey bc no matter what i wrote, i felt like i had to appeal to an audience

but really,,, who am i trying to impress?

as lame as it is to admit, even from the really few blog entries i've made so far, i can tell i probably won't be getting much traction on here as i would like to delude myself into thinking i will. i could post a rant about my favorite tv show that id be extremely embarassed to talk abt with my friends and chances are practically no one on here will see it expect for the random user or two

i'm pretty much invisible on here, just one of the thousands of accs on this site so no matter what i choose to share, it really won't matter. and that's really freeing

 so thank you spacehey for giving me this platform!!

-sm

p.s. for the random user or two that's seeing this rn, dw, i'm still glad you're here lmao