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I'm currently feeling like I've wasted my life up until this point.
I find myself wishing that I could be, feel and think as I do now, but when I was 14, so that I could do all the fun things that I enjoy now. I know all events up until now lead to where I am now bt I regret so much that its hard to think that way.
I also find myself thinking I'm too old to do certain things, even though I'm "only" 20 (21 soon), but I struggle to avoid thinking that maybe I'm too old for the things that bring me joy, and that I should focus on my career or my future rather than "wasting" my time.
The same goes for clothing. I feel like I should dress more modestly and more adult-like because I'm growing out of being 16 and trying new styles. But I'm not done trying new things, wearing cool and interesting clothes, or making my own jewellery or trinkets or upcycling old stuff because I like it and its what brings me joy.
I want to keep expressing myself through my appearance and I don't want to limit myself just because I think I should.
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benny in the backrooms
i heard someone say in a video something along the lines of you could do nothing right for 10 years and you'll still be young and have time! im 21 and i feel the same a lot of the time, like if i do anything that isnt furthering my career its pointless. but sometimes i realise like wow im the age that so many people want to be. Not being a young kid anymore is stressful but its kind of nice to sit in the moment and think that we're still young. When i was younger i thought when people asked me what i wanted to do when i finished school; that i had to have one plan for my life. but you dont need a single plan, just some ideas. when you really look into mental and physical health everything has different parts and categories, the mind and body need loads of different things all the time. Hobbies, work, rest, and everything are important. It may seem pointless but if youre giving yourself a break from something or doing something you enjoy then its never a waste. mental health is just as important! and self expression is so important too! its normal to experiment with your styles and you should never stop doing or wearing something if you like it! theres always other people out there who will be into the same things, individuality helps us a lot!
did i get too into it? does this even make sense? LMAO
by benny in the backrooms; ; Report