Omie's Stupid little blog post somewhat about some reflection, my past, and art.

I've always been somewhat of a copycat, I've traced, I've mimicked, kind of tried becoming like my idols.

I wish I could list everyone that has shaped me, but i can only list a few for a few things. It Hurts. Because I've taken footsteps in directions all over the place, dead ends led by my favorite trails.

I can name a person who shaped my art, why i even took up drawing for fun:

PICK KITTY TV, i think she was south korean, some teen girl somewhere. Foxy x Mangle, Animation memes, AMV's (Animation music Videos). some of my friends wouldn't know, hell they don't. I love these things with my heart if I'm honest. It's why I have affinity towards Deltarune, Undertale, Furries, Bfdi, Inanimate Insanity.

I can name a few more people: Broc, or as I think of him now, Dodo Bird Boy. Jream, PrinceStickFigure, lc the profile24, this one tiktok furry object show liker i can only remember blurs of.

Broc was a friend I will not forget, having been a somewhat half ended friend that honestly didn't have much of a bond with me as I thought of him. Though drawing with him, I figured he might've been the only one I could thank for some of the art stuff I did then.

Jream was on of my first Collabs on YT when I had my channel running.

PSF was where some of my humor in art came from, as well as passion.

lc the profile24 was one of my only last collabs ever, and it made me get out socially for once then.

the object show person from tiktok, where i first ever drew fanart for someone, and interacted with on discord in a slight chance (which wasn't very well).

and some lost to time.

I can list a few things that influenced my art: JJBA, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Undertale, Deltarune, Yakuza, Bfdi, FNAF. OC work.

I can only think back, to who I talk to and why I found myself differing in opinions with them over these stupid interests. That I'm subject to a banishment over things like saying I DO like them. Obviously I don't like everything I listed, but that I acknowledge it affected me. More than some would know.

Some people could only dream being as receptive as others, and can only smile, it hurts to smile now. I smile purely being around someone I like, that I do it so much it reminds me how free I am. I still struggle with most social stuff, I don't like introductions and new people as much as I talk about the goods prior. I have conflicting feelings about my friends too, how different I am to them, how much I also talk over them and how much my faults in conversation shine with them...  a whole platter of mistakes that I can't see in them due to my blind perception of character.

I always want to be who I want to be. In a twisted sense, I'll be observing others post, share, like. There's a sort of wonder, childish in nature where I gawk at people expressing themselves. It's not perfect, but I don't see any differently most of the time. I want people to see their dreams, I want to see mine as well. Almost like I need it.

There is never going to be reassurance for that, I do believe that would be impossible with how I've seen people act today everywhere and anywhere. It's no wonder I don't fight for it considering how conservative I am with even having followers, friends, and whatnot because of how solitary I became through a multitude of factors I don't think can begin to understand. It's weird that placing my boundaries and boobytraps with shackles along with throwing away the key became my prison. When being my self all the same was free, so on and so on.

In conclusion with my futile attempts to recognize who I am once again, this try with errors makes me feel a little clarity. That somehow my voice feels anxiously heard. More so i wished I understood more of me.