OMG!! it's been a while…

i totally forgot this site even existed, lol. at some point, i tried to come back here and it was offline — i was so bummed. this space gave me such a cozy feeling. but hey, it’s back and i’m happy to be here again!!

sooo much has happened in such a short time. when i first made this account, i was in the prime of my early 20s — about to get my first job, tackle my final project at uni, and graduate in the field i’d dreamed about since i was 16. and then, boom… everything changed. 2024 turned out to be the best year of my life. i felt so alive, every single moment. i let myself live in ways i can’t even explain. i did stuff i never thought i’d have the guts to do, and even crazier things i never imagined at all. i opened up more, met new people — some amazing, some… not so much — but every single connection was worth it in its own way.

in 2024 i hit a few milestones:

after months of job hunting, i finally landed my first gig—in the area i actually wanted! that was such a big win for me (even if the job itself sucked, lol). it was total chaos trying to juggle work and my final uni project at the same time, but i pulled through. i made this beautiful illustrated book—with a lot of crying and rage along the way, but it turned out to be my proudest creation. i graduated!!

i also started seeing people again after the breakup. for a while, i thought i’d never be able to connect with someone new. i had just come out of a 3-year relationship that gave me some unforgettable moments, but honestly, the person wasn’t what i truly wanted. as i grew up, i started to realize all the ways i’d been shrinking myself in that relationship. i didn’t like the version of Natasha i had become. so, after all that, i started dating casually — not really looking for anything serious. just vibing, enjoying life.

then came july 2024. that’s when i met my current boyfriend. the timing was crazy, and the story’s actually kinda funny.. turns out, he was exactly the type of guy i used to daydream about. i actually had a massive crush on him back in school when i was 13, but we never talked ‘cause we weren’t in the same crowd. and what are the odds that, 8 years later, on a random saturday, i’d find him on tinder?? i wasn’t even a tinder person — i used to clown on the app. i'd never even downloaded it ‘cause i thought it was too much. but the same night i downloaded it, we matched. found out he lived suuuper close to me. we met up at the nearest mall the next day… and wow. i was out from 3pm to 10pm just talking to the guy i’d dreamed of chatting with since 2016. life really writes the best plot twists.

honestly, i didn’t think we’d end up dating.. i mean, i was moving to London in just three months — indefinitely. we were both so sad about that. i’d finally found someone who made me feel truly seen. no one had ever made me feel that way so fast. even with all the doubts i had from past relationships, something in me just knew he was good for me. and it sucked that i was about to leave all of that behind.. but at the same time, i was stoked. moving to another country, with my best friend??? DREAM. never thought it’d actually happen. it all hit me when i got my passport — and suddenly, this hopeless romantic girl was boarding a plane to try and change her life.

he gave me my first actual promise ring. no one had ever officially asked me to be their girlfriend before — it was always just… kinda happened, yk? THIS was different.

i spent a few months away from him… our hope was that he’d also be traveling soon.. he had plans to do an exchange program in Ireland. and again — what are the freakin' odds?? i met the love of my life eight years after middle school, the same year i moved to another country — and he also ended up moving abroad?? like, what even...

he made sure to stop by London before heading to Ireland. we had one week together after two months apart. just one week — but it was the best week of my life. i was so genuinely happy. we saw Big Ben, St. Paul’s Cathedral, Buckingham Palace… grabbed snacks in front of the London Eye, in that cold, grey December weather while everyone back in Brazil was sweating it out on the beach. we spent New Year’s together — it wasn’t perfect (some people kinda ruined the vibe), but i didn’t even care. i was just glad i was with him.

then… he had to leave. straight flight from London to Ireland. i cried my eyes out, but deep down, I knew we’d be okay.

and in January 2025 — i saw snow for the first time. it started snowing like crazy in South London in the middle of the night. of course, i ran outside in my bathrobe like a dork, all by myself, catching snowflakes with my hands.. i felt so fulfilled. little Natasha never thought she’d live to see snow. but here i was!!

living in London had its ups and downs. i didn’t last long — i just couldn’t handle being away from my family, my home, my love.. it was tough, frustrating even. but i’m still so grateful for everything i experienced.

god… 2024, i fckin love you. i love being alive. feeling things is what living’s all about. and i feel a lot. especially love. i’m so glad i know what love is. that i can feel it, and that i’m finally feeling loved back. it’s such a good feeling, just being here.. thanks, mom. i love you. you’re my everything. and i love Natasha too — even when i hate myself sometimes, deep down..

i still love me. <3