transphobes are just the worst thing

hi everyone, and welcome back to my blog

today I'm making a more serious post, as you may tell from the title.

so recently I've had yet another discussion with one of my best friends about me begin trans...

but let me explain a couple things first:

- this guy and I are and will stay friends despite his thoughts about trans people, and he never misgenders me

- he's young and stupid and plus most of his political views come from his family, so that's partially to blame

- he has helped me through tough times and is truly a good person at heart, he's just... uneducated?

but sometimes he just says things that leave me uncomfortable and kinda makes me sick, like as if there was no hope in the world for me to be accepted as I am and not as they see me.

the most recent one was when he told me that "I'm not proud of having a trans friend" and that made me feel awful, like is that all you see of me? 'the trans friend'? that just feels wrong.

and I mean, the fact that you're not proud of begin friends with a transgender person is not ok imo, I don't want to be just the trans friend, I am a guy and that's it, who cares who I was before? 

and the whole thing in general felt just so wrong, I wanted to drown myself. I know they'll never see me as a boy fully. it eats me alive, even if I act as if I don't care.

and even worst, you know how we got on the topic? I was with him and my best best friend, and I was so excited to tell them I was finally able to start hrt, and he reacted by saying all of that stuff and that "as long as I'm trans only over words it's fine, but when you start medically transitioning it's not okay" (all of this was translated from italian so the wording was a little different, but you get the point).

and I was like, WHAT THE FUCK MAN.

I'm so angry, it's not fair. I tried to discuss with him but he doesn't fucking listen, he never truly understands my feelings. I hate that so much, I fucking can't take another stab like that. his words stab me.

I brushed it off in that moment, but I can't stop thinking about it, I just would like to make him understand, but I just don't know.

If anyone has any advice to give, please share it, it's more than welcome.

thanks for reading through all of this, 

∼Mykks