Clearing out my friends list and dysphoria

In the process of clearing out my friend list… nothing against anyone in there that I removed but I realized I do not use this website enough to have 50+ friends who I do not interact with. So I’m removing most aside from a few I share more than one interest with and my most dear irls and a couple randos idk  

Aside from the main point though my dysphoria is getting bad again. I know I can’t pass during the summer and I have to look and act femme (shave my legs and stuff) I wish I didn’t have to. No matter how I look or what I wear I feel like I look in the mirror and see a girl and everyone around me sees the same thing no matter how much they call me my real name or whatever. I feel bad bc it’s not their fault I’m insecure but I know for a fact I still look female and femme enough to cause problems with people it shouldn’t and. Yeah. I wish I could swap bodies with someone. An easy opt out. I need to talk to my mom but idk if I ever will. My dad is an ass. Lmfao

I love the summer but I hate what it does to me mentally and the way it makes me look against my will. Photos of me in a tank top makes me wanna kms I look so stupid and I can’t bind much in the heat without causing myself harm. Ugh. Starting to get rlly bad thoughts that the people around me deserve better than what I am but I’ve just gotta ignore them and work through it which sucks. Whatever.