A lot on my mind

Ever been in a mood
When your thoughts make absolutely no sense
And you try to write it out
Filter through the random thoughts and musings
Cut through to the source of your issues and begin addressing and healing
But every thread I pull on in this ball of yarn
Seems to entangle me deeper.
So let's go over all of the threads in detail
Because just sitting on them isn't going to solve anything like a broken abacus.
For now it's just us. Simply existing. I can't seem to find the time or energy to enjoy the fruits of my labor, and for that there has to be some kind of remedy.
Because I enjoy myself, I enjoy what I can do but can you imagine working yourself to the bone and not being able to profit from it with an occasional misadventure?

I'd venture to say you'd be rather upset by that notion. But off of that and onto something else that's been weighing on my heart lately.
You know, I'm aware that no journey is a short one. And all of our paths are different in life, but why do, despite my job confidence do I still feel like I got shafted by the fates sometimes.
I counter that notion with another thing someone wise once said to me.

"You're where you are for a reason, although what that is may not be clear while you're there when you leave you'll see it easily."

And the final thing to discuss in this exercise is... well my relationship. With the woman I love from the soles of her feet, the crown of her head, and what's behind her eyes.
So, for the first time in some time we had a deep and necessary conversation.

We aired out our feelings, our grievances with life and it was cathartic. I missed her and I talking, I now know there's a time and place for intimacy.
But by that same token that talk gave me a lot to think about,
There are areas we both need to work on, but my flaws are what I'll talk about.
I'm working on my confidence, its a day by day by day process and I hope I've made a significant amount of progress in that area.
But I can't fumble in the dark, even though I'm falling in love like a gamer clipping into a restricted area.

Sometimes I wish there was a definitive manual about love, one that tells you every thing you need to work on, person by person. Action by action, response and reactions for it would be overwhelmingly positive, that much is certain.

Wow, this whole diatribe came out much longer than I anticipated, I hope reading it is not a burden