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hii, so i wanna know some people's opinion on a current situation i'm in.
so one of my semi close friends, who i've known since about 2017, recently started being buddy buddy with my ex, who was a close friend of ours from 2017 to about 2022 when we broke up.
said ex broke up with me, then i found out that they cheated on me with an online friend while we were still dating, and they announced their relationship not even a week after our breakup. after 5 years of a relationship, this definitely hurt me a lot and made me very mad. said semi close friend was the one to help me get through that rough time.
we held her accountable and my friend group pretty much shut her out after finding out what she did. well years later, to current time, my friend has started to talk to her and play video games with her again. am i wrong for being upset with him? i've been told by some other friends that my feelings are valid, but he insists that he can "be friends with multiple people at a time".
in my head, i can't see how he can still care for me as a friend, and care for someone who hurt me the way my ex did.
he also said "i held her accountable for 3 years.", but i didn't know 3 years was the limit?
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Child of Light
You are definitely not being an a hole because your feelings are completely valid. However there’s nothing you can really do about it if your friend wants to be pals with your ex. It’s possible for someone to genuinely be friends with two people who dislike each other and this seems to be the case here. By dwelling on it you simply cause yourself alot of unnecessary unhappiness. Sometimes it’s better to just accept what you are powerless to change but either way you absolutely are not an a hole but your ex certainly is.
Dio
First of all this situation sucks, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You are not in the wrong to feel the way that you feel.
However your friend that “betrayed” you is not in the wrong either.
The thing is, you don’t have the right to restrain your friend, because you don’t own him.
Your friend has every right to make his own decision on who he wanna hang out with.
But that doesn’t mean you have to you let him walk all over you. If his action is crossing your boundary, you are allowed to walk away from him.
Yes, he can still care for you while being friends with her, but that doesn’t doesn’t matter. What matters is how his action makes you feel.
You’ve already told him how he made you feel, and he made the choice to continue being friends with her.
Now it’s time for you to make a choice. Forgive and continue being friends with him, or leave him. One thing you can not do is tell him to drop her.
the best thing I can do without losing him as a friend is stepping back from the friendship, I do care for him still, but maybe not a much as I once did. he doesn't seem to understand how this hurts me (which is wild to me bc the breakup/being cheated on was completely unexpected from the ex), but i guess I'm just trying to reassure myself that I'm not wrong for feeling weird about it all.
by Danny; ; Report
You're not wrong about it, and stepping away from him is a good idea. It's easier for you to heal from this hurt when you're away from the person that hurt you in the first place.
by Dio; ; Report
Rin <3
nahhh, your definitely not the a hole here.
they know what they (ur ex) did to you and shouldn't be acting like there's a time limit on how much they hurt you.
^^ Agrees, you’re NTA. Not being friends with your friend’s ex is lile, the most basic unspoken rule of besties
by Alien; ; Report
its such a crazy situation, said friend has had issues with letting people go in the past so im not surprised that this is happening tbh
by Danny; ; Report
either way, they should know better. their your friend and seeing as you said they were a semi-close friend they must have seen how this affected you. to buddy up with them knowing that is just kinda disrespectful.
by Rin <3; ; Report
either way, they should know better. their your friend and seeing as you said they were a semi-close friend they must have seen how this affected you. to buddy up with them knowing that is just kinda disrespectful.
by Rin <3; ; Report
like, if they can be friends with someone who did something like that (and other things, the ex isn't a good person at all), then i feel that that makes my friendship lose a bit of value
by Danny; ; Report
no exactly because it shows that they don't really care about how you feel and were just waiting for it to "seem right" hence the "it's been three years" thing
by Rin <3; ; Report