I hate my dad but i also kinda hate my mom too

I am so fucking tired of my life and my parents are like 80% of the problem i swear.

Since i remember my dad is never at home, and when he is, he and my mom are discusing, working or bothering me. He and my mom fight all the time, and when they fight, the heavy sensation at house is horrible, just for after a couple of days after everything go back to normal.

And because of that I panic every time they start arguing, even qhen they're not really yelling, my chest hurt so much i that i can't breathe, I start shaking and getting dizzy and nauseous all at the same time, it's horrible, and for some fucking reason it start to happens every single time i hear arguments of any kind, and it get worse if someone start to cry because my mother usually leaves these arguments crying and i can't handle it i get even worse.

Not that my mom is a saint also, she is a bitch, a lot of times we actually have good days and is funny ik? But then after i lay on my bed and remenber "Fuck, she don't actually loves me", because this is real, she make it clear a lot of times, she do not love me, she love the fucking ugly baby that come out of her 14 years ago and she hate that i not her anymore. But honestly idk what she was expecting of my dad when she aceppt the stable union, BITCH THAT MAN CHEAT ON HIS WIFE AND IMPREGNANT YOU, OF COURSE THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS ALSO BE A SON OF A BITCH WITCH YOU.

And remember when i tell my dad or is arguing, working or bothering me? Well he bother me acting like i am 6 years old, and i swear, i not really trying to be those angst teens that say that only because they mom ask for wear a jacket, i say that because the way he treats me, barely change anything since i was actually 6, he do those weird chidish jokes since i can remenber, he talk loud to me and every freaking time i say that i not comfortable with those jokes anymore because are something really weird and he usually say those screaming, i always recebe a "Ye but he is your dad and he is only trying be fun, don't be so serius about it" BUT GOD SOMETIMES IS SO BAD LIKE, I JUST WANNA BE IN MY ROOM PLAYNG VIDEO GAMES AND HE WILL BE SCREAMING THOSE THINGS FOR ME 24/7, AT LEAST WHEN HE IS AT HOME AND NOT WITH HIS OTHER WOMAN IDK.

And the worse for me is not only that, but the fact sometimes i fell he don't know shit about me, like, i am a very pick eater, and i been disliking the same fucing foods since i am 4, and sometimes he still will gonna ask if i want one of those stuffs and when i asnwer i don't eat he ACTUALLY get surprises sometimes. And about my interest is barely any, he only know i like draw and superheros, period.

And diferently from my mom i still can have some good times with her without remember she do not like me, but with my dad i always remember this, bc he also just like that one little baby girl, and i think this may be the ultimate problem. When he at least try be present some times, especially when i was younger, he is like, huge girl dad, and when he found out i am trans it get soo much worse.

I fell like i am stucked on this house, stucked with the most gross people ever, bc bitch do not even make me enter in those details, and the woman that was supossed to love me the most but actually hate me, i can't wait for college, omfg.