Confession

SOOOOOOOOO can I just say how envious I am of people who have so much creativity and talent that they are actually able to display it to the world. I'm just so jealous that they ACTUALLY have the ability or energy to show it to the world. As a 17 year old, I feel so lost lately, like I have this desire to fulfill actual things like act in theatrical plays, sing, dance, and perform in general. I don't wish to lose my spark or anything, that would just hurt me so bad, but damn, I have no clue of what I'm supposed to do.

I'm jealous of people who have actual lives out of their phone. I know to myself that I can do what they are trying to do but why must starting out always have to be so hard? I can totally read a book if I wanted to, I could do exercises if I want to, I can perform if I want to, but why is it so hard to turn ideas into reality? I've had so many ideas that hadn't come to reality and idk if I'm actually unmotivated or just lazy.

I have never really tapped into this thought of mine that I was holding in for so long and now that I finally have the time to let it out, I can't coherently say it. Maybe it's my sleep deprivation talking, idk.