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this is a bit of an unconventional blog of mine (i primarily post blogs related to helping users with graphics and quizzes) but ive just been thinking...
in a year im turning 18 and will be a legal adult... over the past few years ive used the internet as a way to express myself and talk about the things that interest me... as well as making connections with others
over my teenhood ive made quite a bit of mistakes online and witnessed others make just as many mistakes as i have... ive learned a lot since then even if im still in my teenhood and im sure everyone else has learned a little something too
i made a bulletin with this exact premise maybe 2 months ago... but i decided to remake it and expand on it way more because i think these are important things for teenagers online to know and i think i learned a lot more through analyzing things more in depth
i hope this blog post manages to help someone out here that is still in that period of their life where they are a teenager still figuring stuff out
now without further ado...
if you feel violated by a friend...
its not your fault and it never should be
even if its something a lot more ambiguous and unclear than "my friend manipulated me and got me to do something obscenely horrible" or "my friend keeps making sexual remarks about my body in my pictures" its still a feeling coming from somewhere and if your gut feels incredibly ill when you see someone you know you care about thats a massive sign that somethings wrong even if its not obvious or you dont know what it is
if someone you care about consistently makes you feel uncomfortable by their mere presence... *please* reach out to someone else and tell them about these feelings
even if its incredibly intimidating and feels like your thoughts are constantly telling you that you are delusional or that youre turning your other friends against someone you are confident did nothing wrong... its helps a lot when you get an outside opinion that supports and assures you that what youre feeling is normal even if youre not sure why... and when you get advice on how to deal with them
and on that topic... try and tell the friend that made you feel violated about these feelings and ask them why they did certain things that possibly contributed to those feelings of feeling uncomfortable
and on the topic on getting a response back from the friend that violated you...
if someone justifies violating you and lashes out at you for being able to talk about it...
they 100% arent worth it and you should leave them
when you feel violated by a friend... its an incredibly brave and mature thing to be able to approach the friend that violated you and to attempt peacefully talking things out... especially since for many people in these situations, it feels like all their thoughts are against them and actively telling them that they are the ones wrong for feeling violated by someone that they know shouldnt make them feel like that
and overall its incredibly difficult and stressful to be open and vulnerable in a situation where you very much feel unsafe
however when someone thats meant to care about you completely dismisses how they made you feel and fails to see how much it took out of you to be able to approach them, the person that hurt you, about wanting to make things right and to make sure nobody feels hurt... and being told outright that all your worries about being honest and open with your feelings were right... that you are bad for having those feelings from them...
thats not how an actual friend treats you
an actual friend would try and understand that and actively try to work things out with you instead of trying to push your feelings aside and then only care about feelings when they lose their temper and act like you just hate them even though you did this because you care and dont want you to make you feel uncomfortable... and that you have a sense of boundaries that should obviously be respected and that its important to talk to people when they cross their boundaries, whether its unknowingly or not
as for boundaries...
dont push your boundaries to the side
you *will* regret it
it will open up the gates for people to take advantage of you and if someone gets mad over them... thats always much more telling of them than you
your boundaries are the bare minimum and if someone constantly dismisses them or acts like youre too sensitive for having them... they dont have good intentions for you and need to lose contact with you
ask yourself why an adult is privately contacting you
even in contexts you know should be professional... there are many lines that could be crossed and it could get very messy
if an adult ever tells you to keep a conversation secret... *dont*
most well-adjusted adults dont say that to minors and take responsibility for what they said in a conversation even if they messed up in it... and they wouldnt push someone younger and less mature than them to hide something from other people in their life
if an adult tells you to keep a conversation private they are either being wildly irresponsible at best and at worst might even be grooming you because even if it seems innocent at first... maybe theres something uglier beneath if they want to hide seemingly innocuous discussions
not to mention outside of professional contexts you should question *why* adults are trying to privately reach out to you when they should know damn well that there are more than enough fellow adults their age that they can choose to engage with instead of someone thats still in middle school / high school
if someone consistently doesnt want to be open with you...
please reconsider their level of trust with you... especially if this is someone that you are in a committed relationship with
they might think they are doing the right thing through not saying important things that could explicitly hurt you but all it does is make you feel like youre stepping on eggshells because it feels like anything you do could hurt this person and they would never speak up unless you constantly ask them and even THEN they still wouldnt tell you about problems
these people often tend to neglect the fact that you try your best for them and still think youre going to treat them horribly if they dare speak up about something you are doing that hurts them... even though youve made it clear that you would appreciate them opening up to you and that you would work through it together
and they shouldnt just suddenly lash out at you one day and act like youre a horrible person even though you didnt know what you did up until that moment and have made it explicitly clear that you would listen and have given them many opportunities to open up that they havent taken up at all
and on a similar note... watch out for people that are two-faced and love-bomb often because they often overlap with unopen people... if you try to have a mature conversation on being open these people might be like "sorry NOOOO ;-; IM SO SORRYYYYYY!!!!! im so sorry im such a horrible partner sorry sorry sorry" or if you do small one thing youre remotely happy with they will send something like "AAAAA THATS SO AWESOME I LOVE IT ILOVEITILOVEITILOVEIT I LOVE YOU<3<3<3<3<3456"...
but then they end up holding a bunch of grudges and angrily rant to you about people they dislike but when they actually approach the people they dislike they will treat them like they are friends
these people also are often horrible influences for all these reasons even though they try and act like they are better than the majority for being so kind and respectful and the sooner you notice their negative traits and the less they want to work through them... the sooner you should leave them
always have a bit of honor with you
i feel like thats something thats often forgotten on the internet in this time and age... to treat everyone and everything around you with heavy respect and to make sure to understand things before potentially making a mistake and hurting others
while "i can do whatever i want forever" is true in the context of letting yourself embrace your interests and being proud of your self-expression... something thats often forgotten in that simple phrase is that the feelings of other people are often disregarded when you focus too much on your pride and if you do anything whether its online or not... its absolutely crucial to consider if its something constructive that wont hurt the people around you and to consider if focusing on yourself in specific situations is something that disregards everyone else
its okay to leave things and let them fade out
if you feel like an account of yours no longer reflects the person you see yourself as today... youre free to slowly use it less and then leave it or delete it to further embrace your growth and the person you are today
if you feel like youve moved on and drifted apart with some online friends and that they have drifted apart and moved on as well... youre free to eventually unadd them or unfollow them... if you cant see a future with them or dont feel like youre growing together anymore... its okay to let them go and let them focus on their present and their growth... and that its okay for you to let them go despite your history and to focus on your newer connections
i very much wish you a good day
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squish
this blog should definatly be more popular with all the recent talk about how minors act on here. i just wish there was a better way people went about it rather than lashing out on minors like they usually do, so ty for this!!
its no problem... hatefulness is never a good tactic and us older people should always make sure to use our maturity to be constructive and encouraging to younger people... shaming them gets them nowhere and its much more telling of the adults in the situation than the younger people
by uncleonion♪; ; Report